The Intern: Uh, hi. Welcome to Coffee Cults and Empires. I'm your host, the Intern, coming to you live from- well. I'm, uh- well. I got another voicemail. Let's start there.
The Boss: Hey, so there have been some meetings? The kinds of meetings that you are not invited to, and I am; except now I'm not getting invited either. Something's up and I- I don't like it. I can't say for certain, but just- Just keep a close eye on the experiment world, okay?
The Intern: So I'm on the floor. I'm in a sleeping bag on the floor in the lab in front of The World. And I'm going to sleep here. I figure I can't get along without sleep, and I don't know how long I need to stay here for, but I'm going to sleep here and make sure that no one does anything.
But we've still got a story to hear, right? The crew trudges on, I think last time they made it like halfway across Kloyal. Halfway! That's a record! Go team! And then, Tagak and Teep came flying in... bubbles. That happened. Let's see how they managed to, uh, land this one. Sorry. That wasn't great. I'm in a sleeping bag on the lab floor. What do you want from me?
Tanam: Who remembers what happened last time?
Harmony: There was various hijinks.
Rozafeen: Yeah, I have no idea. I don't remember at all.
Vafrus: I jumped in the path of incoming- We saw our good friend Tagak coming towards us at the speed of- something... super speed!
Don: The speed of Tagak.
Tanam: Well, Tagak and Teep in bubbles.
Vafrus: Yes, at the speed of bubble travel! And that was funny and great until you indicated that they seemed to be in distress. So now I, with my withered bones and so forth, I'm going to try to save them.
Don: I forget why your bones are withered.
Vafrus: The hot rocks.
Don: Oh!
Harmony: Is there a cure for that?
Vafrus: Probably stop carrying around hot rocks in your pocket is the cure.
Harmony: Oh yeah, you're not gonna do that.
Don: A simple but ultimately fruitless solution.
Tanam: The, uh, other things: Georg has a Nope prepared,
Don: For a bubble. Yeah, sure do.
Tanam: They- I believe, last time I described it as they are some combination of bouncing and skidding and rolling along the cobblestones that are at this part of the Bridge Road. They are coming in pretty fast. Rozafeen, you had had Hellena looking off into the distance, to see what it was that Ruffort was looking at. Do we roll initiative? Is that-?
Vafrus: Yeah, didn't we like joke about it for a minute? We were like, "oh-!"
Tanam: Yeah, there, there was, there was definitely some joking about it and then it came true. I think mostly, Ruffort was looking down the road in the hopes of seeing Tagak, because he knew that they were on the road. The road goes very straight. So he just looked off down the road, hoping to see them. And then they appeared in the sky a little bit higher than he was expecting.
Vafrus: yeah!
Tanam: Okay, so Hellena was ducking, and, Georg had the Nope. Ruffort had waited until the last second and then jumped out of the way.
Vafrus: Oh, no, no, I'm jumping into it.
Tanam: Oh, you want to throw yourself at it?
Vafrus: Yeah, my only value I have left is that I'm loyal to my friends. it's a pretty new value. Like I just, I've just barely picked it up. I can't-
Tanam: Can't betray it so quickly.
Vafrus: so yeah, I'm going to save them. Maybe one of these bubbles will absorb me. Maybe it'll crush me to pulp. We'll see.
Don: I got a 16 for bubble-nitiative.
Tanam: well, what are you trying to do? And I guess we can figure out if we need to figure out priority.
Don: Well, I mean, I assumed that my held action was gonna come into play at some point there. It's really- I can't do other stuff, right? Or can I? Because if I can-
Tanam: I mean, if you've got other stuff that you want to do, if you'd like to change your mind, I think it's fine.
Don: Nope seems like the, the way to, Nope.
Tanam: Are you going to try to Nope one or both of them, or-
Don: it stated that nope can only work- like, it's a single targeted Nope.
Tanam: Mmm, that's true.
Don: Uh, it's a Nope to one person. If, I mean, if I can Nope multiple people-
Tanam: Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Don: Ah, see? I thought so.
Tanam: Yeah. I'm going to Nope that power creep. Guys haven't leveled up yet. If you would like to ask for multi use Nope...
Don: Next level I'm getting power Nope. Nope everybody. Oh, I would also like to use Defensive Field as a Bonus Action, uh, which gives me 6 whole Temporary Hit Points.
Tanam: Okay. let's see, I'm trying to remember, your Nope is Melee range, right?
Don: Uh, it Let me, let me look at it exactly.
Tanam: whole idea was, is that you were going to like-
Don: Somebody comes up to me, I say Nope-
Tanam: They go the other way.
Don: -go the other direction, yeah. 20 feet was the range on it, but that was how far they go, not how far- I have the paper here somewhere.
Tanam: Okay. And are you trying to stand rigid? Like, not be moved as part of the Nope?
Don: I mean, it'd be nice, but I assume, uh, physics is- is in effect, right? I mean, Nope only goes so far, about 20 feet,
Tanam: heh heh heh heh heh! Specifically.
Don: Uh, and, see, when two bodies collide and one is Noped, the other body is Noped an equal but an opposite amount.
Tanam: it's really unfortunate for you that you don't actually have any magic.
Don: It's really unfortunate for you that you believe in it, because lies are a terrible thing.
Harmony: This could be the last moment we're all alive together, and you're just gonna spend it throwing insults.
Don: No. Noping insults.
Tanam: Throwing people as part of an insult.
Don: Uh, yeah. So 20 foot versus my strength, if they fail, they're knocked back and prone. On a success, uh, like they succeed the saving throw, uh, it's only 5 feet.
Tanam: Okay, I think what we'll do here is have you roll a Strength check, and let me know what that is.
Don: I don't suppose I have Advantage on this Strength check because I'm so attractive?
Tanam: I, mean, that reasoning is a little suspect.
Don: And I mean by that, well braced and, um, ready for anything?
Tanam: if you can come up with a better justification, I am willing to consider giving you Advantage, but I need a situational reason for it.
Don: Yeah, no, I don't get Advantage, it's an 11.
Tanam: Okay. So, the two bubbles are flying along. Both Georg and Ruffort, can you roll either a Dexterity or Intelligence, whichever one you want.
Don: Just roll, like a check?
Tanam: With your bonus. Yeah.
Don: Okay. I got a 19.
Tanam: Okay.
Don: With Int.
Vafrus: I- cause this is a contest- got a 23 with Dex.
Don: That is very impressive.
Vafrus: I probably, I actually could have done okay had I rolled Int, but nah, nah, not-
Tanam: Okay, since you both rolled well, I'll say that you worked well together and were able to pick different bubbles to affect. Ruffort is throwing himself at Tagak's bubble, and Georg is noping Teep's bubble.
Rozafeen: I've got a thing that I'd like to try.
Tanam: What would you like to do?
Rozafeen: I would like to alternate between the bubbles and as quickly as I can. Over and over again, cast the cantrip of Druidcraft with the Puff of Wind effect. And I don't think it will save them or anything, but it might slow them each down.
Tanam: How strong is the Puff of Wind?
Rozafeen: Unfortunately, it doesn't say, so I think it's your discretion.
Tanam: Do you not have any, uh, stronger... ?
Rozafeen: Nope. Like, I could throw my body in front of them like a couple of idiots, but I'm not gonna.
Vafrus: I mean, they are bubbles, so like, wind moves bubbles pretty good.
Rozafeen: That's what I'm saying.
Don: Those are really fast, heavy bubbles. I don't know. You know what? No, it moves them great. Uh, I know a lot of physics and, um-
Vafrus: the fast bubbles hit the slow air and then they slow down, right? That's, that's-
Rozafeen: I mean, like, it's that or I could throw a javelin and pop them. Like, I'm not working with a lot here.
Tanam: Okay. So you are gusting them.
Rozafeen: Puffing! Puffing of Wind.
Tanam: Puffing them.
Vafrus: yes, it says the word "puff," so the amount of force and speed that you associate with the word "puff." puff. Yeah.
Rozafeen: Yeah, there is a different spell called Gust of Wind and this is not that.
Tanam: Okay. And you don't have Gust of Wind?
Rozafeen: I do not have Gust of Wind. I focused on watery coastal things and I didn't end up taking a lot of air stuff.
Tanam: Mhmmm.
Rozafeen: I mean, I guess I could finally bust out my spell where I do, like, a whole line of trees, but I think crashing into that's not going to feel very good.
Don: Depends on the kind of tree. There's some soft trees, right?
Tanam: Do you have Create Water or anything like that?
Vafrus: They could splash a puddle as they go by.
Tanam: I was gonna say, like, dampen it. But I don't mean get it wet.
Rozafeen: I have Tidal Wave-
Vafrus: Oooooooo
Rozafeen: -but I don't know if that's really what we're after, here.
Don: That'll slow 'em down! I'm already gonna brain damage them by, uh, slamming them backwards in the opposite direction.
Rozafeen: Actually, I do have Create or Destroy Water. I could make mud? Sure, let's make some mud in their path. So, I don't want to create, like, a cube of gallons of water because, honestly, crashing into water is not the best feeling either. But, if they're bouncing against the ground-
Tanam: Yeah.
Rozafeen: I don't know, could you re-describe the degree to which they are floating versus rolling?
Tanam: A combination of bouncing and skidding and rolling. They're like, probably doing some damage to the cobblestones.
Vafrus: They're damaging the road.
Rozafeen: Well, I mean, so you're the DM. If what you're telling me is that you believe that they will slow down faster if I make a bunch of mud than if I puff wind at them, then I make bunch of mud.
Don: A thin, horizontal sheet of water that they can slowly slow down in.
Vafrus: Yeah, you know how, like, when you're throwing rocks and it hits water, it goes slower?
Tanam: No, 'kay, that's 'cuz you hit the top.
Rozafeen: Trying to think about how much water it really is. and I think the answer is not a lot.
Vafrus: If amount of water is the issue here, I still like the Tidal Wave idea. That seems like the correct amount of water to me.
Rozafeen: I am not going to hit them with a Tidal Wave
Vafrus: Oh-kay.
Rozafeen: That plus my Puffs Of Wind will save them.
Tanam: Yes.
Don: And my Nope!
Tanam: Yep. And your Nope.
Harmony: I would like to cast Suggestion at the bubbles-
Tanam: Nope. Nope.
Harmony: -cast Suggestion and say, "Please slow down and make it look like my friends were the ones who slowed you down."
Vafrus: So now no matter what happens, if the rest of us actually manage to stop this thing, Urekas will know, deep in her heart, it was her all along.
Rozafeen: I don't suppose smart Jimmy can save them.
Vafrus: Oh, Smart Jimmy! You're our only hope!
Harmony: I could Talk to Animals, like, just, Public service announcement to all animals. "If it's safe, slow them down."
Vafrus: Oh, that's so nice. It's a nice request, instead of "sacrifice yourselves to save this!"
Don: I feel like it would be a real interesting spell to cast if it was, if somebody had like a swarm of insects, just-
Harmony: It's a bunch of insects in the ground, right? Can't the insects come up and help?
Don: if you could convince them that that's a good idea.
Harmony: " If you do this, we will reward you." "
Vafrus: "We have access to so much sugar."
Don: "Many of you will die, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."
Tanam: Okay, so if you want to, you are free to expend a spell slot on Suggestion, trying to cast it on an inanimate object.
Harmony: Nah, I'll do the Talk to Animals instead.
Tanam: Okay, and you're going to call to local animals.
Harmony: All animals.
Tanam: and, uh, try to get some aid?
Harmony: Yes.
Tanam: Okay.
Vafrus: I really love how everybody's jumping in to help out. this is a great guys. Good show of unity.
Rozafeen: So, have we saved the day yet?
Harmony: I think so.
Rozafeen: Declare victory?
Vafrus: Yeah, heh.
Tanam: Okay. So far we have: Georg's 11 on Nope-
Don: No, the 11 was on, uh, Initiative.
Tanam: No, it was an 11 on Nope, I think.
Don: It was an Initiative roll.
Tanam: Wasn't it?
Don: Okay. I'll take a 10 plus, uh, I get to add my Proficiency Bonus for Nope, which would be a 13 if we're going just Proficiency.
Tanam: Okay. Oh, we haven't decided even what Ruffort is going to roll. I think probably a Strength check?
Vafrus: Whew, let's see how this goes.
Tanam: And I'll give you Advantage because of your excellent Dexterity roll before.
Vafrus: Sure. Take that. So, I got a plus zero on Strength. So with Advantage, that's an 11. I, like, brace myself; I fully believe I can get inside one of these bubbles.
Tanam: Oh-kay.
Don: Oh, your insides will be in the bubble.
Vafrus: Uh huh. "Don't worry Tagak! I'll save you!"
Tanam: And then what do you do physically?
Vafrus: I'll just brace myself, right shoulder forward, head kind of tucked down, arm out. I'm trying to ram it, you know? But it's coming at me, so I don't gotta move. I'm there. And, uh, that's what I do.
Tanam: And you got an 11?
Vafrus: Uh huh.
Tanam: Okay. Okay. Harmony, can you roll a Persuasion?
Harmony: Yes. It's Persuasion and not Deception, because I promised the reward?
Tanam: it's persuasion at this point. Sorry.
Harmony: Okay, 12.
Vafrus: So we got we got twelve, eleven Strength, and a- a- a modest bathtub.
Rozafeen: Yeah, but I will say that mine just works; I don't have to roll for it.
Tanam: Although I tell you what. If you want to... ... you can pick a skill or a stat and roll with Advantage, how well you lay out the water situation.
Rozafeen: Oh-kay.
Vafrus: Make a Wisdom roll, Druid!
Rozafeen: Let me think about this. Perception, so that I get a really good look at the land.
Vafrus: ooh!
Tanam: Yeah, and it's Visual Perception too! you get like a really good read on the situation. just by quickly looking around.
Rozafeen: Okay, great. Well, that is a 23.
Don: That's the only good roll this night.
Vafrus: That's a really well-placed bathtub.
Rozafeen: I'm tellin' ya! Mine just works
Tanam: Okay, so, let's see. Ruffort, like, not even throwing yourself, you are just blocking the way.
Vafrus: Uh huh. I got, I got a plan after this, by the way. Don't know if I'll be conscious for it, but I think I will be. You guys wait and see what happens next.
Harmony: Focus, Ruffort! Focus!
Vafrus: I- I can see you're struggling there. I got a great next character idea, if you're like don't hold back, DM. Do what you gotta do.
Don: i- I, too, have a- a good character lined up just in case, so, um... if... ...if Georg is turned very flat... I will not be disappointed.
Harmony: I have lot of friends, so I'm fine.
Don: You're also not in the way!
Harmony: Yeah, because I'm smart.
Rozafeen: You're fine and you're smart.
Tanam: Okay. yeah, so it definitely bowls over you. This is kind of similar to falling damage, so, let's say 4d6.
Vafrus: Okay.
Tanam: So, you can roll for that, yourself.
Don: Oh, that was 4d6, not forty six.
Tanam: ha ha ha yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don: I was like, damn, that fall has a lot of extra velocity! Almost like you got hit square in the face by a big ass ball.
Vafrus: Alright, that's 13 damage for me,
Tanam: And you are prone. You are, like, extra prone. Like it rubbed your face in the ground. Uh, I guess, no, it rubbed the back of your head in the ground, but you did have that good Dexterity roll, so I say you didn't knock your head on the cobblestones, so that's good.
Vafrus: While I'm in contact with it, can I cast a spell?
Tanam: Were you getting ready with that?
Vafrus: Yeah, well, yeah, well, so, my plan was, I wanted to get into the bubble, then grab Tagak and cast Thunder Step and get out. Having failed to get in the bubble, I would still like to cast Thunderstep. It says I can bring an object with me. I'm gonna try to bring the bubble.
Tanam: Okay. And where are you going to go?
Vafrus: 300 feet away, I don't know, somewhere direction.
Tanam: Okay.
Vafrus: I don't care where, I just need to get this bubble away from, from- it's obviously the problem. I see there's a nice bathtub of water behind me that Tagak can land in.
Tanam: Ohhh-kay. so, it's going at speed, like, is that going to change through Thunderstepping?
Vafrus: Uh, DM's call. I don't think the spell tells you how inertia works.
Don: Well, see, the thunder would obviously cancel the inertia because it's, uh, super loud and stuff.
Vafrus: So, assuming this works, what happens is y'all see Ruffort out there being an idiot. This huge bubble comes by, WHAM! And then there's a much louder bang than you thought there would be, and Ruffort and the bubble are gone. And there's just Tagak sailing through the air.
Tanam: oh, oh, so you think you'd take the bubble, but not it's-
Vafrus: I don't think I can handle everything. I don't know. Your call how you want to do this, but- but yeah, that's how I think it's going to go down.
Tanam: Oh man, okay, um- is- is Tagak part of the object or not? if that's what you want it to be, I'd say go ahead and just roll d20 straight up and down, if it's, above a 10, then, what you want to happen, happens.
Vafrus: That would be, DM, a natural 20.
Harmony: Amazing.
Tanam: Excellent.
Vafrus: So based on the natural 20, can I also look kind of cool when I do it?
Tanam: Yeah, yeah, yeah- yeah, definitely. You look- look extremely cool.
Vafrus: Okay.
Tanam: So, we'll deal with the Thunderstep portion of it, but you and the bubble teleport down the street a bit, and you have rotated yourself so that the bubble goes up and away and you let go of it after Thunderstepping.
Vafrus: Okay. So I just, like, blink past it and I'm like doing a cool pose and the bubble is, like, up in the air above me. Huge blast of thunder energy everyone hears. Yes. Perfect.
Tanam: Okay, now, everyone who is within close by, which Georg and his Nope are...
Vafrus: Yeah, so, within 10 feet, it's 3d10 thunder damage with a Con save for half. uh, All right. DC 17, whoever's making the check.
Tanam: Okay, so that's Georg,
Don: Aaaaaaah, it's gonna be 3d10.
Tanam: Oooooo...
Don: Was a 14.
Vafrus: Sorry, Georg.
Don: That's good.
Vafrus: 18 damage.
Don: 'Cuz Nope woulda really been a- Sorry, you said 18?
Vafrus: 18, yep.
Don: 18.
Vafrus: There's a blast of force. I'm so good to my friends, look how good I am.
Tanam: okay, okay. Also, 18 damage to the bubble.
Vafrus: Oh yeah! Take that, bubble!
Don: Oh no.
Tanam: And it's coming from the side-
Tanam: and then you're Noping it.
Don: Whoa. Wait, wait, wait. Does the bubble break?
Tanam: Not yet...
Don: Okay.
Tanam: Let's see, what I will do is- oh wow, okay.
Don: It was nice knowing you guys.
Tanam: ha, I think it bowls you over still.
Don: That makes sense. So, like, my Nope- I'm trying mostly to reduce the velocity and I'm counting on my armor to deal with the rest of the damage.
Tanam: I think, so I think you take 2d6 from it bowling you over,
Don: Oh, that's really nice of you! My "friend" just did 3d10! Also, that 2d6, uh, are you rolling or am I?
Tanam: you're rolling it.
Don: I took 3 whole damage.
Tanam: Nice. Your armor's in there for you.
Don: I'm glad my armor is on my side.
Tanam: And on your back, it's back. It's got your side.
Rozafeen: Somebody's looking out for you. Okay. You, get bowled over, but it's not nearly as bad. You are prone, but not mega prone, like, Ruffort was.
Don: there any chance I had the presence of mind to take out a pillow or some sort of soft object like my bedroll and put it in front of me to help catch- to catch Teep?
Tanam: That was not listed among the things.
Don: Okay, good.
Tanam: So they, they bowl you both over, flying-
Vafrus: Whack! Bang! Woof!
Tanam: -flying through the, very extremely well placed water. They're slowing down.
Tanam: As it looks like they might still be rolling, a little herd of sheep responds to Urekas's call,
Vafrus: The sheep. Okay.
Tanam: and help it, slow down the, the rest of the way and give them a soft landing.
Harmony: Oh that's great!
Don: Now you've just got to explain to the sheep farmer what happened.
Tanam: Oh, no, they're fine.
Don: Ohhhh, okay. They're fine.
Tanam: Yeah, sheep are fine.
Harmony: Nice! Good sheep!
Tanam: You specifically said, "As long as it is not dangerous for you."
Harmony: Thank you, sheep!
Tanam: The sheep just kinda slowed it down, yeah.
Harmony: Wait, this isn't a metaphor for my friends, right?
Don: A little herd of followers.
Tanam: Only if you make it weird, it's up to you to make it weird if you want to.
Vafrus: As soon as I have the presence of mind, I'm going to look over to see if Urekas is impressed with the thing that I just did.
Harmony: I am so impressed. All I can think of that was how cool that looked.
Vafrus: Ahhhhhhhhwwwhhh.
Don: Yeah, even I think that looked cool and, my helmet got knocked off, so...
Tanam: I think also probably you have an extremely intense ringing in your ears.
Don: Yeah, I imagine a concussion isn't, uh, unreasonable.
Vafrus: This whole thing started off with me and Georg making a pretty good check to coordinate who's doing what. So the way I imagined in my mind is that, I like turned to him and we like locked eyes and nodded. And in my mind, that means had same plan as me to cast Thunderstep also. I'm like, "yes, we'll do it at the same time!"
Tanam: You know, obviously it's that- that- that- that wink and a nod means "cast- cast Thundershep, take the person out of the bubble, and throw the bubble into the air."
Vafrus: Yeah, very, very obvious what plan is next. Yes, we're like, so in sync. And so, so Georg correctly was just like, "yeah, I'll take this one. You take that one," or rather he just saw me going for one of them was like, "okay, I'll go for the other one." And then yeah he's like, "okay ready!" and then I exploded him, boom!
Don: Yeah, that was actually the worst part of this whole thing- Was getting exploded.
Vafrus: I'm just like, "I'm so- I'm such a good friend!"
Tanam: So, the water-
Rozafeen: just works
Tanam: It fell onto the cobblestones, and so there's a big, long mess of water, and the sheep are all muddy, everybody is muddy, and- with the exception of Georg- mostly okay.
Don: Owwww.
Tanam: and I think we are out of, uh- You know, there was no Initiative order, but, uh-
Don: I think one of us took the initiative.
Tanam: Tagak is like, "ahwg arg," face down in the mud. Pulls herself out and slops the mud off of her face. And, first thing that she does is go over and check on Teep.
Don: Is Teep, like, cratered into my armor?
Tanam: No, you just got bowled over.
Don: Okay, good.
Tanam: They're like 40 feet down the way, Teep in the ball, Tagak in the mud, Ruffort in the mud. Oh yeah, also surrounded by sheep.
Vafrus: Does the bubble I teleported up land on anything interesting?
Tanam: You sent it back down the road, basically. It didn't fire, like, straight up into the air.
Vafrus: Doesn't land on Georg is the important part.
Tanam: Does not then land on Georg.
Don: Would be pretty funny if a minute later I just get up, finally manage to stand, and then the ball comes right back down straight on my head.
Vafrus: Such a good friend. Uh.
Don: One of us is a good friend, yes.
Harmony: alright, well, I run up to Tagak and Teep and I'm like, "Did you see that? Ruffort looked so cool!"
Vafrus: Yeah, you know, I'm- I'm more injured than I've ever been, but I, I feel great! I'm like, "yes, this is wonderful!" And I stand up and I- do- do I notice anybody who's injured?
Tanam: Roll Perception against... let's see. What's your Charisma modifier, Urekas?
Harmony: Four.
Tanam: Okay, roll a Perception check against DC of 14.
Vafrus: Uh, fail. I got 11.
Tanam: Urekas seems fine; Tagak and Teep seem fine.
Harmony: I just rolled even though I didn't need to and I got a 19.
Tanam: Yeah, Ruffort is mostly paying attention to you -and incidentally Tagak and Teep- and does not notice that anyone else might be injured.
Don: Don't mind me, I'm fine you guys.
Vafrus: Excellent, I had forgotten about him, but now I know he's fine, too.
Tanam: Oh man, you just did too well on your sarcasm roll, Georg.
Don: Ah, yes. The one thing I have a plus twenty to.
Vafrus: Also, I had forgotten to roll my weirdness roll, but I got a Nat 20 on it. So we're set.
Tanam: We're super not weird.
Vafrus: Yep, yep. that was the least weird thing I've ever done.
Don: I'll say.
Vafrus: So now in my mind, not only did we lock eyes and make that plan, I think Georg teleported also. Like that's how we both handled it.
Don: Of course you do.
Vafrus: This is awesome.
Tanam: Except that- Teep is still in the ball, but that probably doesn't factor into your consideration.
Don: Oh! The ball never broke?
Tanam: No, it did not.
Don: Oh, no!
Tanam: Tagak runs over there, and taps on it and puts her mouth up against it and is like, "Babe!? Babe!? Are you, are, are you okay?" And Teep rolls over and gives a thumbs up.
Don: Okay, good.
Harmony: Oh, that's great!
Tanam: And the bubble, now that it's not moving, shimmers a bit and then dissipates.
Vafrus: Ah! I win!
Tanam: So, Teep falls down into the mud, but, Tagak gets her up pretty quickly and is like, "Oh, so first off, this is super weird that we're running into you."
Don: Literally.
Tanam: "Um, hi."
Harmony: Hi, friends!
Tanam: "Yeah, we, um, we were getting a little bored traveling along the road, so we figured we'd have some adventure and, and take this new experimental travel technology. Um, Would not recommend it."
Don: Would, uh- would Georg know about bubble travel?
Tanam: I think we decided that your Arcana is for that sort of thing?
Don: Yeah.
Tanam: So yeah, roll me Arcana.
Don: Oh, now I roll a Nat 20. 24.
Tanam: So you know the guy, he came to your coffee stand once and told you in excruciating detail about his extremely excellent new form of travel. He was traveling along the Bridge Road to find the best place to set up. So you know in detail how it works. Any questions you want to ask me about it, I will answer for you.
Don: Yeah, uh, so, I take it momentum cancelling isn't really part of the deal?
Tanam: The people inside are not jostled; there is something inside of it that manages that. They don't get all beat up when they land or anything like that. The interaction of what you have probably pieced together was Thunderstep with the bubbles is not something that he talked about, but you could study more what happened there. I'll leave it up to you whether you think it's interesting.
Don: I mean, I definitely think that part's interesting; the interaction between the bubble and the Thunderstep, uh, spell seems like something I might be able to harness in the future.
Tanam: Mmhmm.
Don: So, I'm gonna probably, interrogate about, I don't know, 12 hit points worth of, uh, emotional damage out of Ruffort on this. I had six temporary hit points. So, I won't count those. And by emotional damage, I mean just the most intricate questions what happened at exactly what moment to try to research it. And also, I've already heard about this bubble technology in way too much detail from that jerk. I already know it's not safe. So...
Harmony: it's interesting you know so much about it. Like, I know that you don't exactly have resting friendly face, so I'm just surprised that someone would confide in you that much.
Don: Yeah, it wasn't really a confide, it was more of a forcing of information down my throat, like a bad cup of coffee.
Vafrus: as Georg is interrogating me, of course I'll, you know, answer questions. Like, I'm happy to talk about myself.
Tanam: so, Georg, do you want to do this now?
Don: Oh, no; over the next few sessions.
Tanam: Hehehe,
Maybe later, in the evening, when he's trying to sleep.
Don: yeah, yeah, whenever, whenever I'm feeling awake and he's not, or, you know, he's busy and I'm not. I mean, I'm not petty or anything.
Tanam: Okay, so, you have caused some commotion. A shepherd has run up to the sheep and is like, "well, that was weird." That being said, didn't you promise a reward, Urekas?
Harmony: I did!
Tanam: So what are you going to reward the sheep with?
Harmony: I give great hugs.
Vafrus: Are you still wearing the pancake outfit?
Tanam: Oh yes, you are!
Harmony: you know what, I give great hugs and Beeb makes great pancakes.
Tanam: But no, your outfit is made out of pancake.
Harmony: Oh, right. I give great hugs, and you can eat some of my outfit.
Vafrus: And sheep like pancakes; I know this for sure.
Don: I mean, who doesn't like maple syrup?
Vafrus: They've probably never had it before, but they know it too.
Harmony: I might ask for some of your wool in exchange, just so that I have something to wear.
Tanam: No, this is the reward for them helping.
Harmony: I, I know, I just, I like to negotiate.
Tanam: Okay, roll Performance.
Harmony: I rolled a 15.
Tanam: Okay, the sheep are are happy with the hug but mostly with um uh, eating a lot of your outfit.
Rozafeen: How much did the sheep actually help?
Vafrus: they were the final soft pillow that we all landed on.
Harmony: Sheep! sheep!
Tanam: Yeah, they stopped 'em at the end.
Harmony: Good sheep!
Tanam: I mean, that and the gust- the puffs of wind.
Vafrus: It was all together. It was a group effort.
Tanam: The puffs of wind were helping too, so if you would like to also eat Urekas's pancake dress...
Rozafeen: No, I'm, I'm good... thanks.
Don: while Har- while Urekas, rather, is um, entertaining the sheep, every chance Georg gets, he pulls out a jug and dips a little spoon in there and spreads honey on the outfit wherever he can manage.
Harmony: Wow.
Vafrus: So, so, Ruffort's having a great time watching this. He sees that for a moment, Urekas seems to be distracted, and since nobody else has any damage right now-
Don: um
Vafrus: -I'm going to cast Healing Light on myself to recover my hit points.
Don: Georg just glares.
Vafrus: Get me back 14 hit points. Ah, perfect. Back up to full, as if it never happened.
Don: Look, you can see the dents in the armor. like, I know I'm gonna have to pound this out, later. And just, you know, reapply oil, and, know, there's, like, delicate mechanical workings. Intricate coffee tubes that are gonna have to be fixed.
Vafrus: DM, may I roll an Insight check as Georg is glaring at me?
Tanam: Sure.
Vafrus: Wonderful. All right. That's a seven. I wink back. We were in sync. We got this. We're both heroes today. Me and my good friend
Tanam: Georg could roll an insight check back...
Don: uh, Georg gets a 14.
Tanam: I'll let you decide how Georg understands the situation.
Don: Yeah, I was trying to figure out that too, so I rolled a second Insight check and got a 6. So, um. Georg looks at him and thinks, "I think he might be sorry? I dunno." And I just when I'm done with, Urekas, I just go by with, like, the spoon of honey, and I smack him on the forehead with it.
Vafrus: What a strange culture Georg comes from this must be how heroes are treated wherever he's from. I've never heard of this before, but like, I'm not gonna second guess myself.
Tanam: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Vafrus: I decide it would probably be rude to clean it off though, so, you know, of course my illusion face remains the same, but for the rest of the game I'm gonna have honey now.
Harmony: And I'm thinking, "Ruffort looks really cool with that honey on his forehead."
Vafrus: Dried onto Calumn's like, bangs and face, you know, just-
Tanam: That's an interesting question. So I can't remember. Does Georg know about-? Georg knows about, Calumn...
Don: yeah, Georg knows.
Tanam: So, nobody's watching closely enough to see that there's no actual honey that got on Ruffort, as far as anyone can tell.
Don: Nope!
Vafrus: Although, I have to close one of my eyes sometimes, and, and the, like, the illusion know, follows whatever my real face- what Calumn's face is doing, so, like, sometimes I've just sort of, like, blinking my left eye weirdly, and that's-
Tanam: That's just how it is now?
Vafrus: Until it dries enough that I can, you know, yeah. I'm making a mental note. I got to get some honey so that next time Georg does something really awesome, I can honey his face. That'll be like a thing we have. I'm so good at relationships.
Tanam: The, the sheep have a good time chowing down on Urekas outfit. The sheep herder is weirded out by this whole sheep situation. But eventually the sheep, having been given their reward, wander off to follow the shepherd back into whatever place they came from. Uh, I'll say it's from up north, where the farmlands are.
Don: I'm sorry, did you just say the sheep came from a farm up north and then went back there?
Tanam: yyyeeesss?
Don: Mm hmm. And those sheep are still alive?
Tanam: The sheep are fine.
Don: Mm hmm.
Tanam: Okay. You are all in the street there with Tagak and Teep. And there's some people milling around, even though it's, I believe it was nighttime. Yeah. but there are still lights on in the various inns. Some of the people who came out were looking like innkeepers and a couple of them, are staring at you for a little bit.
Don: Mm hmm
Tanam: "Oh, that seems like quite a fall. You probably need a room for the night!"
Vafrus: I like these people
Harmony: Does the room include breakfast?
Tanam: "Uh, well, yeah, we've got, we've got food all the time in our place!" And then another guy walks up and he's like, we've got... double food all the time our place!"
Vafrus: Ooh, double food all the time. That's pretty good. Next time we see Beeb, we should tell him about that.
Tanam: About double food?
Vafrus: All the time! Yeah. Double food all the time.
Harmony: Yeah, that would really help his business model.
Vafrus: Yeah!
Tanam: The first one looks at the double food guy and is like, "Seriously? Double food?" And he's like, "Yeah, it's a new thing we're doing."
Vafrus: All in favor of double food?
Harmony: Aye!
Vafrus: Ayyyee.
Don: Yeah, I mean, is good, so double food? Sounds twice as good.
Vafrus: Yeah!
Rozafeen: Probably given to the sheep first.
Tanam: Okay, do you guys have this conversation there, in front of them?
Vafrus: Yeah, yeah.
Don: Oh yeah, absolutely.
Tanam: Yeah. Okay. Okay.
Harmony: We're transparent, we're honest.
Tanam: So the first one, she grumbles and wanders back to her inn, "grumble sheep Muddying, weirdos grumble grumble"
Vafrus: Also, a noise so loud it damaged Georg.
Tanam: That's true, yeah, let's see. I mean, it probably didn't blow out the windows or anything like that. Those are probably fine. So you head into the double food establishment. There's a main tavern-y area. There's a bar and he walks back behind it and says, "Uh, well, uh, order anything you'd like and, um, we'll give it to you double! And, and also talk to me if you to get a room for the night, cause it seems like you're pretty beat up there."
Vafrus: Yes, room please!
And I order a bunch of food.
Don: Yeah, room and double food .
Vafrus: wait a minute, this guy keeps charging us double!
The Intern: This episode featured
Chelsea Burns as Harmony as Urekas.
Harmony: The sheep went out for a pack of cigarettes; they'll be back really soon.
The Intern: Find her on Instagram @ChelseaComedy.
Chris Grumbles as Don as Georg.
Don: I don't suppose I have advantage on this Strength check because I'm so attractive?
The Intern: Find him on Instagram @ChrisGrumbles.
Desiree Phair as Rozafeen as Hellena and Justice.
Rozafeen: That plus my puffs of wind will save them.
The Intern: Sylas Silver as Vafrus as Calumn as Ruffort.
Vafrus: Hold my mead.
The Intern: Check out his RPG at readysetrole.org.
Mark E. Phair as Tanam the dm.
Tanam: "you kind of worked in harmony and picked- uh, uh, well, I'll say that again. So it's not involving Harmony."
The Intern: Find him at markephair.com.
Isaac Pendergrass as The Boss.
The Boss: Keep a close eye on the experiment world, okay?
The Intern: Follow him on Instagram @isaacpendergrass.
And me, Damian Lichtenstein, as the Intern.
I'm in a sleeping blag.
Check out my drag king account @woody.banter.
Thank you for listening to Coffee, Cults, and Empires.
Edited by Mark and Desiree.
Music by Kevin Vitz-Wong, hear more at kevinvitzwong.bandcamp.com.
Character art and logo design by Carmanda. Find her at carmandaartsthings.com.
Sensitivity consulting by Dominique Dickey. Find more at dominiquedickey.com.
Find all these links in the episode notes or at coffeecultsandempires.com, that's coffeecultsandempires.com.
The Intern: I'm sleeping on linoleum floors. Don't come after me, so I'm on the floor. I'm in a sleeping blag. Woohoo. Oh my God. We're almost done. That's crazy.