The Intern: Welcome back to Coffee, Cults, and Empires. I'm your host, the Intern. I realized that I hadn't updated y'all on the Rosie from Accounting situation recently, but really, it seems like there isn't much to update at this point. Everything is just sort of chugging along as it has been, and I haven't heard anything that makes it seem like they're shutting anything down anytime soon.
Let's not get complacent though, thank you all so much for continuing to use the #PetriPeople hashtag. It like, literally means the world to me to see so much support. And we might even be touching the hearts of management. Last episode had me wishing that I could solve problems like Urekas does, again.
If only we could turn management's birds to our side. Wait. What are management's birds in this metaphor?
The point is, Urekas has bird friends now, and Georg and Ruffort are off to do something involving Beeb's place, which they're hoping will placate the Captain. As always, I'm sure it'll be fine.
Vafrus: I only clap for Urekas.
Harmony: Oh wow. I'm having an identity crisis.
Vafrus: Who is this Harmony? I know not.
Harmony: I can't tell if I'm offended or flattered.
Don: She shows up pretty much every game, you know?
Vafrus: I'm trying to be in character guys.
Don: Oh, uh, sorry. Sorry.
Vafrus: It's called acting. You wouldn't know about it.
Tanam: Yeah. Don specifically does not, but we won't get into that.
Don: like to think I'm a really good actor.
Harmony: Even though you failed the class.
Don: I mean, and a lot of pushups.
Vafrus: Usually if you're good at it, they don't put "remedial" in front.
Don: I was just so good at it, they had to put "remedial" in front, otherwise everybody else would look bad.
Rozafeen: Sure.
Tanam: Not sure how that works, but, okay.
Don: It works, okay. I'm trying to save my ego here.
Tanam: Okay. Ruffort and Georg are heading out of the hotel and off on their mission to uh, smooth things over with Beeb.
Vafrus: Yeah, so I'm real excited that Georg is coming with me.
Rozafeen: I get worried when you get excited.
Vafrus: Yeah you should. Everybody should be afraid.
Tanam: Proper response to the situation.
Don: Georg's also pretty excited because Beeb is really good with food and I think if we can fix up Beeb's shop, he's gonna give us, like, some food.
Vafrus: So the first thing I do is, start like doing an impression of sneaking. I'm not really sneaking, I'm just pretending I'm in an action play or, you know. I'm, like, looking around corners all dramatically and gesturing that you should follow me. And I'm going completely the wrong way for Beeb, cuz I'm headed to try and find the Captain.
Don: Okay. Okay. So, uh, Georg also like he, he's gotta take your lead, right.
Vafrus: Excellent.
Don: And, um, crazy thing, uh, I rolled- I haveta roll disadvantage on stealth, right? But the first roll was a 20 and the second roll was a, was a two.
Vafrus: We two, the least stealthy people in the world.
Don: Here's what I'm thinking. Georg is pretty convinced he's stealthy and he's like tiptoeing as his whole armor thing is shaking. So what you hear going through is like " kaching, kaching, ka-cha-cha-ching." "what are we sneakin' from?" Like way too loud.
Vafrus: Like, as one of the staff walks by and looks at us.
Don: Yeah.
Vafrus: I'll like give them a gesture of like, "shhhhh! It's a secret."
Tanam: Their eye contact is only enough to convey that they are part of the hotel staff and they are there if you need anything. But you notice that this one perhaps lingers a little bit less than other ones might.
Vafrus: Cause we're not anywhere we're not supposed to be yet, right? We're just walking down the hallway.
Tanam: But walking down the hallway weird.
Vafrus: yeah. All right. I'm gonna turn over to Georg and I'm gonna say, "Yeah, we're not gonna go see Beeb. We're gonna go see the Captain and we're gonna put them on ice."
Don: Oh. So. Like, we're going to go put ice on their- are they injured? Uh, do they need, do they need some help?
Vafrus: No, no, no. we're gonna help them go west on North Bridge.
Don: Yeah!
Vafrus: I'm gonna like give you a very significant look like, you know.
Don: Go. Yes. I used to do that a lot. I like jump off and do a nice little swim before, uh, going back to my coffee shop.
Vafrus: So at first I think I know that you- I think that you've got what I'm talking about cuz you're talking about like swimming and, and I'm like talking about drowning people and that's probably related, but have I seen you do that?
Don: I mean, unless you visited my coffee shop kinda late, and you saw me closing up shop-
Vafrus: No, I probably wouldn't have then. Nevermind.
Don: -leave my armor in the shop and then, uh, jump off the bridge to swim back to sh- I might have told you a story about a particularly big fish that was probably not true.
Vafrus: Okay, so I have, I think you're with me. Uh, I think- I think you understand that we're gonna go kill the Captain, so we continue sneaking.
Don: I know, I know. It's been about like, uh, 30 seconds or so. Georg's been thinking about it and he's like, "so, I know, I know. Uh, swimming in the, in the sea is therapeutic and all, where are we gonna get sea water?"
Vafrus: I'm doubly confused; one, because I truly don't know where the Captain has gone. Like, there's no footprints I'm following and I'm just walking down these hallways and being, " they're probably around here somewhere." and then, yeah, you give me this question about seawater. I, yeah, I guess I'll- I'll roll some dice. Let's see if I can sort out what's happened.
So on a 16, I'm gonna say that I actually figure out that no, you still don't know what's going on. So I'm gonna think real hard, and I'm gonna spell it out for you. "No, we're gonna, we're gonna go see the Captain-"
Don: Yeah. Instead of Beebs-
Vafrus: So that we can give them a decaf.
Don: give 'em a decaf.
Vafrus: give them a permanent decaf.
redo don: Whoa. You can't just talk about giving a decaf- you know what kind of thing that does to people?
Vafrus: Yeah. Yeah. That's what we're doing. That's, we're we gotta, we got all this heat on us. if there's no the Captain, then there's no problem.
Don: Wait, so first you talk about the ice, and now you're talking about heat. Like I get an ice pack and I get a heat pack. I don't get this whole decaf thing. Are you saying that we should fill it up but with like some really bad coffee?
Vafrus: No, no. We're gonna go kill the Captain. We're going to go kill them.
Don: no, Stop it.
Vafrus: What do you mean, no?
Don: We got a cold compress a nice little bit of, little bit of heat pack with some, uh, I'm going to use decaf; I don't care what you say. What's wrong with you? We can't just go around icin' people.
Vafrus: You're right, we'll probably get caught.
Don: Yeahhh...
Vafrus: that waitstaff saw us and then we'd have to kill them. Get really complicated.
Don: Also, it's wrong.
Vafrus: I say as, like, perhaps another waitstaff walks by.
Don: This is like just the perfect moment because you think that I'm only saying it because the waitstaff is walking by.
Vafrus: I'm like, "ahhhhh. Clever. You're a shrewd one, alright..."
Tanam: So the passing waitstaff doesn't say anything, but there is a voice in your head. The Prince is like, "Oh, wait! That's what you meant?!"
Don: Hold on. I thought what we gonna do is we were gonna go to Beebs, but we're gonna just... clean up a little.
Vafrus: That's great idea. Let's just uh, we'll head over to Beebs and we'll, uh, we'll solve the problem there!
Don: Exactly, yeah! Cuz then we can get some food after and it'll be really nice.
Vafrus: As I think to myself, "No Beeb, no problem." All right. Uh, no. I'm gonna say that out loud actually. I'm like, "Yeah, you're right. No Beeb, no problem!"
Don: Well, yeah, I mean, no. All right. No Beeb no problem.
Vafrus: Excellent. We start sneaking a different direction!
Don: Georg's still really confused about this whole sneaking thing, like tiptoe, tiptoe, tiptoe, tiptoe.
Vafrus: All right. So we're gonna exit the hotel; I'm gonna remember that there's like this whole bird situation-
Tanam: yuuuup.
Vafrus: -and I'm gonna turn to Georg and I'm gonna be like, "Alright, we can't go as ourselves. Uh, we'll get caught for sure."
Don: uh,
Vafrus: But, uh, we can go as anyone else.
Don: Ummmmm... What do you mean go as someone else?
Vafrus: I mean, as anyone else! We can be anyone! That's, that's like one of my magical tricks I can do.
Don: Cuz like I've only ever been, uh, one guy.
Vafrus: "oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!" And I'll shift to be the priest, completely change how I look.
Don: Woah. Who are you?
Vafrus: It's, it's still me. It's still me.
Don: I mean, I knew that. I knew that. Yeah, Yeah.
Rozafeen: Does your voice change?
Vafrus: I, it, not magically, but I, I am like skilled at modifying my voice so I can imitate voices pretty well. So my voice changes a little and my appearance changes a lot. And I'll be like, "I can do it for you too. So if you could be anybody while we take care of Beeb, who would you be?"
Don: I mean, like, I mean, how so wait, like be anybody?
Vafrus: Yeah. You can do anything you want if you're wearing somebody else's face.
Don: Like, I could be Urekas.
Harmony: How dare you.
Don: You said I could be anybody. I could. I could just be Urekas.
Rozafeen: Nobody could be Urekas, but Urekas.
Vafrus: I'm I'm gonna, yeah. I can make you look like Urekas on the outside. What's on the inside? That's still up to you.
Don: Oh. I mean, I didn't, I didn't want to be like Urekas anyway.
Harmony: How dare you.
Tanam: Which is more, which is more insulting, what?
Don: Okay. Okay. But, but be, uh, yeah, guess, uh, I don't really know. Well wait. It was this, like, one guy from my neighborhood, uh, he was super cool.
Vafrus: Okay.
Don: he, he would like sometimes come to my coffee shop and he always wear like a cool hat and he, would talk like, "oh yeah, I'm a cool guy." Uh, I don't really know anything else about it. Could I just be him?
Vafrus: I will cast Major Image and do my best.
Tanam: Based on that description?
Vafrus: Yep. Cool guy, cool hat. I come up with something.
Don: Georg is just blown away right now.
Vafrus: We probably need like a mirror or something for you to... oh, but you have like a pocket mirror, right?
Don: Georg pulls out a way too ornate pocket mirror and you definitely don't see some odd things happen in that mirror before it turns into just a normal mirror. don't see anything.
Vafrus: I actually don't because I am like intentionally averting my gaze from the mirror.
Don: Georg's, like, looking at the mirror and he's, he's kind of just looking at it like, "oh wow, this is... where'd my armor go? Am I still wearing?" And I like poke at it.
Vafrus: It's, it's all there. It's still heavy.
Don: And it does it jangle at all?
Vafrus: Uhhuh.
Don: And it jangles like, "oh, wow, that's really impressive." I'm a lot thicker than the guy, but like, I feel like I can make this work. I like the hat. Can I get one of these hats?
Vafrus: Only for a few hours at a time.
Don: We can look into it later. We're not gonna do anything like wrong or anything. This is just being different person. Why am I being a different person?
Vafrus: No, no. We're gonna go take care- are we, are we gonna have this whole conversation again?
Don: Right right we're gonna take care of Beebs.
Vafrus: No. We're gonna kill Beeb.
Don: What? No, why are we killin' Beebs? Oh, I don't get it. I don't understand at all.
Tanam: Don, I wanna know how loud you yelled, "We can't kill Beebs!"
Don: Oh, uh...
Tanam: What do we think this is? It, it seems like Wisdom, maybe.
Don: Well, that's better than most other things Wisdom-related. well this one's up to you. It's a straight ten.
Tanam: So, with a 10, you start to raise your voice, like "we can't" look around a bit and catch yourself, and realize that you're about to yell it.
Don: So it comes out like "WE CAN'T, uh, kill Beebs. What's wrong with you?"
Vafrus: You're right. Captain's pretty smart. They'll probably suspect us.
Don: I mean, you know among other reasons?
Vafrus: Ah, see this is why I bring you along. know, you, you and me. We're a great team together. All right. gotta, we gotta do something.
Don: I mean, we gotta Take. Care. Of. Beebs.
Vafrus: Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Yeah. As we head out the door in our new disguises. As I'm trying to think of what in the world we could possibly do to take care of Beebs.
Don: Beebs is our best source of chow in this whole city.
Vafrus: Yeah, yeah. Obviously we're gonna take some of Beeb's food while we're, you know, or afterward or something. Yeah. I'm gonna consult The Prince. The Prince usually has some pretty good ideas. "Oh, Prince, Lord of Darkness and Chaos. your humble servant, need your help in building the mighty Kingdom of Darkness. We got this guy. I don't, I don't think we can kill him."
Tanam: " no, that probably, uh, uh, does not fit in with my plans at the moment."
Vafrus: Yeah, that's what I was thinking too.
Tanam: "Yeah. Yeah."
Vafrus: I don't think we can turn him to evil either. We could try, but like...
Tanam: "He seems like the type to-"
Vafrus: He seems like narc. He's narced on us already a few times.
Tanam: "We mustn't risk my plans for far reaching ultimate evil being revealed by someone of such-"
Vafrus: Wait, wait, I got an idea. What if we trick him into thinking that we're his friend by being nice to him and doing what he wants.
Tanam: "That's brilliant. That's one of the best ideas you've ever had. I knew that I- I knew that it was a good idea when I chose you." What was the last thing that Ruffort actually said out loud?
Don: I said We can't kill Beeb, and you were like, oh yeah, we can't. And then you asked The Prince, but I don't know that.
Vafrus: The illusions continue and I am fully still doing the, like, dramatic half sneak down the street in broad daylight. We're fully heading toward Beeb's place. And, like, we're, we don't look like who we looked like before, but birds may well still notice us because-
Tanam: Because you're bad at sneaking.
Vafrus: Because we're being silly. We're on a mission. This is what missions look like. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like muttering to myself about "how do we take care of... like what do we do?" and yeah, suddenly I have this epiphany and I turn to you and I'm like, " I got it! We're gonna do nice things for Beeb so that he thinks we're his friend."
Don: Yeah, cuz then we get more food.
Vafrus: So now, we two go as complete strangers, fully disguised for apparently no reason. We, uh, we help Beeb, we fix whatever we can fix. We try to be nice to him. That's rest of like the next hour.
Don: Also, uh, Georg tries to play off that, uh, he's a mysterious wizard and-
Tanam: With a great hat.
Don: With a great hat, and he uses mending as grandiosely as possible on basically everything that he can manage to use it on.
Tanam: Okay, are you guys discussing these plans, before you get there?
Vafrus: No, no. We have to figure it out on the fly.
Tanam: Okay.
Vafrus: Every time you like, do a new thing with your disguise, it comes at a little delay as I'm trying to, like, keep up with you.
Don: Excellent. oh wait. Okay, so I sort of notice it. I rolled like a 23 on Perception. Uh, I, I notice it and I'm like, "oh, that's weird. It must be, he's not so great at disguises after all, I better slow down," So I make all these grandiose gestures, but I do it like, really slowly. So it kinda looks like, uh, just like a really slow dance. And then I'll point at an object and let it sit there for a really long time and then I'll fix it. And then I'll look at Beeb and go "look at that! It's fixed," but I'll try to do it all smooth. So, but I'll probably sound like that, but I'll be like, thinking that I'm going "look at that. shazam it is fixed,"
Tanam: So, okay, so shall, shall we say that we actually play out some of the arrival-
Vafrus: Sure.
Tanam: So that we can see how Beeb feels about two random strangers showing up and cleaning up his shop?
Tanam: You arrive and there's a hastily written sign a little banner thing. "Closed today for remodeling," the sign says. And Beeb is there, in a leather apron and gloves and working on some- did you, you just picked the lock. Oh no, you just opened the lock, right?
Vafrus: There was a whole thing where I was stealing keys from a guard for some reason.
Tanam: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You stole the keys from the guard-
Vafrus: Which I still have!
Tanam: Oh great!
Don: Are you just gonna pull out the keys like ya own the place?
Vafrus: Oh, here, let me get that for you. I have your key.
Don: That's more of a Georg move than a, than a Ruffort move.
Vafrus: So helpful am I.
Tanam: so I guess there would be no reason that he would be like working on the door or anything like that, cuz you didn't force it; it's not broken.
Vafrus: I don't think I damaged the door for sure. If I picked it, I did it well.
Tanam: Mostly what you did was: you left the stove on.
Vafrus: Yeah. And... and made a mess.
Tanam: You made a mess and a bunch of like really gross food.
Vafrus: Yep.
Don: So wait, like, how much of the place burned down?
Tanam: well, let's find out. Hmm.
Vafrus: Keeping in mind that we yelled about it moments later.
Tanam: Yeah. I think that Beeb knows who it was that did it and was generally feeling maltreated by y'all, and so maybe made a bigger deal of the damage than-
Vafrus: Hmm. So you're saying we have to break some things before we can fix them. Excellent. We, we can handle this.
Tanam: You broke into his shop and made a mess and made bad food with his ingredients and then left the stove on. But I'd say he might have made it sound to the Captain like the damage was considerably more extensive than that.
Vafrus: Well, there's probably something that's broken. I'm sure we can fix something. Alright, so I'm gonna approach as some random person.
Tanam: Yeah. So what is the, you said, the priest?
Vafrus: Oh, that was just as an example. I don't want to use up my priest on Beeb. Come on. Yeah, no, this'll be just an amalgamation of like people I've seen lately. Let's go pink skin, white hair, trousers, black shirt, nothing matches, doesn't matter, whatever.
Tanam: So it's like literally an amalgamation.
Vafrus: Go up to Beeb, uh, and be like-
Tanam: I think Beeb is painting. That's what Beeb is currently doing, like painting the side of the stall.
Vafrus: Okay, I'll approach and give him like this flourishing bow of tremendous respect. And say, "Are you by chance Master Beeb?"
Tanam: " Um, j- just, just Beeb. sorry. We're, uh, we're closed today, uh, doing some, uh, remodeling, but, uh, if you wanna come back tomorrow, uh, it should be, uh, pretty good situation here."
Vafrus: Just Beeb. My name is Thal Kazar and this is my companion Thalukula. We are here to assist you in anything you may need.
Don: It's really nice to meet you. I'm, Geor-ukuli.
Vafrus: Georukuli is my companion.
Tanam: "Geor" is a title.
Don: yeah,
Vafrus: We can fix things, we can clean things. We are at your service, Just Beeb.
Don: Do we have to call you Just Beeb? Is that like a title, like Beeb The Just?
Tanam: " Well, I mean, if you, if you... Are you, are you selling something?"
Don: We're here simply to help you deal with this place, Beeb the Just.
Vafrus: Is, there anything I can see that needs cleaning?
Tanam: There's some tables. The tables out front like...
Vafrus: Alright. I'm gonna start with Prestidigitation. I'm gonna just start magically cleaning. I'm done asking for permission.
Tanam: Excellent. I hope you are noting your-
Vafrus: Oh! I keep casting spells! That's excellent. Okay. But, but Prestigitation. Oh, man. And my weirdness is very high right now. I'm, I am in danger zone.
Tanam: So, with your Prestigitation, go ahead and roll.
Vafrus: Okay. I rolled a sixteen, I'm still safe. It is now, I'm now up to seven.
Tanam: So not quite 50/50, but we're getting there.
Vafrus: yeah.
Tanam: How loud is your Prestidigitating? Like, do you make a show of it?
Vafrus: Yeah. I make it clear that I'm doing magic. I'm not like trying to hide that. but I'm just gonna like, as if I just lost interest in what he was saying and I'm gonna get to work, and I'm like, okay, here we go.
Tanam: So Beeb turns around and looks over his shoulder, sees that you're cleaning the tables and is like, "okay. Yeah. Uh, feel free."
Don: You mentioned, um, remodeling, ah, is there anything that needs to be fixed or would you just like a, a bit of a improvement on the place?
Tanam: "I've gotta say, I'm feeling kind of, kind of weird about this, but, uh, I don't know. There's, there's a little bit of fire damage in the- in the kitchen area. Someone, uh, unauthorized used it and it needs some cleaning up in there if, uh, if that's something that you can do."
Vafrus: The scoundrel!
Don: I mean, of course. Yeah, I can, I can fix it right up, I think. And, uh, don't you worry, the Captain sent us!
Tanam: Okay, roll... I guess that's true. So...
Don: roll truthfulness.
Tanam: Could I get a Performance roll?
Don: Uh, yeah, you sure can get a three!
Tanam: Okay. When you mention the Captain, despite the fact that you're telling the truth, Beeb is like, "Oh, um, okay. The Captain sent, sent you two? Are you part of the, the hotel staff or something?"
Don: Um. We're- we're just-
Vafrus: i'm, I'm gonna cut in.
Don: Perfect.
Tanam: I'd also like you to roll a Performance.
Vafrus: happily.
Don: One of just doesn't just have a negative one.
Vafrus: But also I'm gonna start lying because, why not?
Tanam: Okay.
Vafrus: I'm gonna spin a whole tale about how we're traveling monks who are sworn to commit selfless acts of service to all who we meet. And the Captain has earned a deed of favor from us by sipping from the sacred pool. Something like, I'm just gonna-
Tanam: go way more elaborate than it needs to be?
Vafrus: Yeah, yeah, the secret to a good lie is details, and I'm gonna just spew details for two solid minutes.
Tanam: possibly with some scripture quoting and-
Vafrus: Yeah. Yeah. " And then we came to the Sacred pool, whereupon-,
Tanam: I guess, roll Deception.
Vafrus: Yes. Yeah. Does this count as pretending I'm not- Pretending I'm someone besides myself?
Tanam: So I think this is for the story and all of this. So this is, I would say, no, unfortunately, it's not.
Vafrus: All right. I feel like I'm spending a lot of time pretending I'm not myself, but I've never got to use that ability. Okay.
Tanam: Wait, don't you? No, you use it all the time!
Vafrus: I get advantage if I try to roll Deception while pretending I'm someone I'm not. And since I don't have advantage, that is a natural one!
Tanam: Oh wowwwww!
Don: Okay. Yeah, I wanna just say that Georg will be the one to ruin this for you. Like, as you keep talking, Georg's eyes just keep getting wider and wider. And then he's like kind of in the middle of it where he is- where you start quoting scripture, just ask like, " I'm sorry, we're from where?"
Vafrus: You- You know what could happen too? You could walk out of the illusion if I'm not paying attention to you.
Don: Yes. Like after I ask, I'm like, "you know what? Nevermind." And then I just go over to like clean something.
Tanam: As part of doing all this, this really in-depth lie, Ruffort has slowly walked over to Beeb and is explaining all this stuff right there. And Georg has to go around to go into the shop, and so is behind- is behind Ruffort.
Don: Just loses, you know gets caught up in things, and-
Tanam: Yeah. So the illusion stops right when it's out of Ruffort's field of view. Like it just kind of hangs out there.
Vafrus: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Georukuli is still here...
Tanam: ... just kind of like with a neutral expression, as Georg just like very clearly walks by.
Don: So Georg's just over there, uh, you know, he is like fitting a piece of, of sheet metal around, uh, the stove pipe that, uh, Beeb had mentioned was, you know-
Tanam: Some fire damage.
Don: fire damaged. so he is just kind molding a piece of sheet metal around it, you know, taps a hammer on it a few times.
Tanam: So, Beeb has stopped looking at you, Ruffort, but since you rolled so poorly on Deception, you just don't notice.
Vafrus: I'm pontificating. I've, I got to a really good part of story. I'm real proud of this one. Yeah. Yeah. We got to the three wishes coming out of the magic tiger. But then was a secret fourth wish. Yeah. It's like we're going deep into the lore.
Don: And George's just fitting this thing, and you can't see his face- like nobody, cuz he's kind of turned his back to the rest of the party. But he's just very confused.
Vafrus: But Georg is perhaps the most recognizable person in the world.
Don: Quite possibly!
Tanam: Yeah. You get to the climax of the story and you are expecting more of a reaction when you're like, "And then we did the third wish!" And Beeb just is not even hearing you. And I think you finally notice that and follow his gaze over and see Georg, working in the kitchen.
Vafrus: Oh no! I, I start, I, I start panicking. What are my options?
Rozafeen: I'm not there. So this conversation is a little bit awkward in terms of meta gaming, but like you have plenty of paths outta here-
Vafrus: well, I should kill him. No, wait. I can't kill him. Uhhhhhhhhh, we gotta run. No, wait. He already knows who we are. Uhhhhhh...
Don: Do you say any of this out loud?
Vafrus: Sure.
Don: Georg's just like, "... Run? Uh oh. If you're running anywhere, get me a couple of uh, of rivets. I'm gonna need about 30 for this."
Vafrus: With literally no idea what to do, and having gotten clear instructions from his partner who's like, had a lot of good ideas so far, Ruffort, team player, is gonna go do that. He's like, all right, you got rivets, that'll solve this. And he's just gonna run into the market. Go buy some rivets.
Don: What happens to the illusion? Is it just gone, or-
Vafrus: it stays It sta- Well, no, no, wait. It can't, it has to follow me. so, uh, it like runs after me as I go.
Don: Excellent.
Vafrus: Listen, I I, I expended a very expensive spell slot. Gerkuli is my companion until this is over.
Tanam: For the next duration.
Don: Uh, meanwhile, uh, Georg doesn't realize any of this has happened and that he's not still illusioned or any of that. Uh, also he doesn't know what the hell that meant, really. I mean, he sort- he knows what an illusion is.
Vafrus: Do you still do like the slow, elaborate, uh, gestures when you repair things?
Don: Absolutely. Anytime I repair something, I, I, I haven't realized that I'm not wearing a hat, so I, I kind of try to like tip it every once in while and think that it's odd that like, I can't touch it.
Tanam: But you never could.
Don: Yeah, exactly. I never could, but Ruffort was really good at making the illusion move, so I kind of thought I could earlier. So every once in a while, you'll see me, uh, point at an object that I think is broken that may or may not be actually broken.
And I have these little, uh, things that kind of come out of my, uh, of my armor and they, uh, they're, designed to like meld things back together and sometimes it melds a thing back together that's supposed to be back together and wellllll, sometimes it doesn't.
Tanam: I'm thinking now that it might have been for the best that you weren't still inside the illusion when this was happening. Because if there's this just dude standing there and these things like come out of him and go and fix a thing, it would probably be, uh, more upsetting.
Don: Ruffort probably would've just hidden them and then made the thing appear whole at the end of the whole process. But for me, yeah, no, it's, it's really disturbing to look at cuz it's like, you know, out of my wrist come like eight additional arms-
Rozafeen: Oh heck no.
Don: - that have like a two-foot reach and they start like, picking up an object and all of the pieces of the object and like fitting them back into place like a weird jigsaw puzzle and then like, you know, some glue comes out of them and it just kinda holds 'em in place for a little bit and then places the object back where it was.
Tanam: So, Beeb comes into the shop, "So, um, you've always seemed like the, the good one of the lot."
Don: I mean, yeah, I'm trying to fix... whatever the hell happened here, really.
Tanam: "Yeah. Like you, um, you know, you didn't harass me for food or chase me down asking me what time it was open and you didn't- I don't think you lit my kitchen on fire."
Don: No, that, I mean, why would I do that? I like your food.
Tanam: And you didn't bring a giant cat to eat my food either. And-
Rozafeen: Sure.
Don: Now. I mean, hold on now. What's wrong with Justice?
Tanam: so, shall we roll to figure out how long it takes until, uh, Georg realizes that it's Georg having this conversation?
Vafrus: Let it be never.
Don: I mean, Georg doesn't really understand that he is not, uh, but he is also not good at this and is gonna mention names like Justice and then kind of realize that later.
Vafrus: In his bed at night, tomorrow, he'll figure it out.
Don: Probably. But I don't know if we really need to roll for this. I'm comfortable with "doesn't."
Vafrus: I love how much trust you have and the power of my illusion, like you'll just... Any perceived misstep? The illusion's got it; don't worry about it.
Tanam: Yeah, "it'll be fine."
Don: I mean, I went from jangling around in armor to lookin' all suave.
Tanam: Having a cool hat.
Don: and what I thought was suave anyway, it was mostly the hat. Yeah. Eighty percent of it was "had a cool hat."
Tanam: So, I'm assuming you're not really looking at Beeb much, you're mostly focusing on the work?
Don: Yeah, no, I'm still trying to, you know, get this thing in place. Uh, and, it's like a, a wrap job, so you've gotta, get it all set up, you gotta hammer it into place. And I still don't have any rivets cause why would I?
Tanam: Cuz Ruffort's not back yet.
Don: And I mean, I have 'em, but just like they're for my armor and I don't really wanna part with 'em.
Vafrus: Those are good ones.
Don: You don't want to use the good quality rivets on just a pipe.
Tanam: So, Beeb is like, "So you know, why do you hang out with them?"
Don: and then I completely forget that I am an illusion. " I mean who, uh, Urekas? Ruffort? I mean, Justice, I get; best cat that ever hated me. Really loves to roll around in coffee grounds, it's great."
Tanam: "Yeah, just, just, just the lot of them. Uh, you seem like a upstanding guy who appreciates good food, and you're pretty handy with, uh, whatever those arm things are."
Don: "Yeah, these?" And then if you wanna go on it like a 20 minute soliloquy of what my arms do, I will oblige.
Tanam: Let's cut it there with Georg starting into that and, uh, and, we can, uh, come back to that later.
Vafrus: Fifteen minutes in.
Don: So I used, uh, alloy of bronze and steel on these, and I, I had to develop eight of them because found out six
Tanam: Okay. You don't actually,
Don: really
Tanam: actually minutes
Don: thing. Nope, you going.
Tanam: No, no, no. We, we, we are, are coming back later.
Don: Pincers in and, uh pincers. I had do a, an eight. No, sorry. It ended up as a 10 joint design on each one of them. And-
Vafrus: Don actually designed Georg's armor
Tanam: yeah. No, I, I believe that he did.
Vafrus: That's pretty impressive. So 15 minutes in, Thalcazar comes running up with a bag full of stolen rivets. "I got 'em! What else do you need?"
Don: Oh, do you happen to grab any tape while you were out?
Vafrus: Okay!
Don: Wait, No, no. Don't run away. Get back over here. Oh, wait. Uh, Beebs was asking, um, uh, why we hang out and I, I was just trying to tell Beebs that, that you were cool and I, I didn't really know how to do it and I thought you could, I don't know, tell Beebs that you're cool or something.
Vafrus: Ohhhhh. Melt my heart. Oh, look at Beeb and be like, "I'm cool," but inside I'm just like, "I'm not crying. You're crying." So maybe, maybe my voice cracks a little bit. I'm, I'll be like, "I'm c-cool."
Don: Aw,
Rozafeen: Aw,
Tanam: very adorable.
Don: this is pretty sweet.
Rozafeen: You are coolish.
Tanam: Okay, let's leave that there for now.
Don: Yeah, don't go any further. You might go to his head.
Tanam: Okay. Hellena and Urekas are following the birds.
Rozafeen: Mm-hmm.
Harmony: Yeah. Oh, we're about to, I wanted to have a quick conversation with the birds first.
Tanam: I think they've already taken off.
Harmony: Oh. Then we're following the birds.
Tanam: Does anyone remember what the deal you came to with the birds? I forgot what state we left that in.
Rozafeen: They would get in trouble or experience un good sensations if they stopped following us, but there wasn't anything in the rules they were given about showing us where these people live and keeping an eye on them might not be the worst idea.
Harmony: Are they showing us to Tagak's house?
Tanam: Yeah. Tagak's House.
Harmony: I'm trying to remember why.
Tanam: I think because you wanted to know where Tagak was. I think that was also one of the things that the other two were supposed to do was find out from Beeb where Tagak lived...
Harmony: Yeah, we are way more efficient.
Rozafeen: Weren't we trying to convince the Captain that you know, hey, this crazy lady is sending birds, maybe, so the Sorceress is up to something and Tagak didn't show up for work. Uhoh, we better go find her and make sure she's safe and figure out what's up. Parentheses, maybe we're gonna dump some of this stuff back on the daughter so that it doesn't look like we stole all of it.
Harmony: yeah, we brought some of the stuff, right?
Rozafeen: Yeah, I think we've got the mirror bags.
Tanam: Oh, that's right. Your followers coming with you. Some number of them?
Harmony: Yeah, because they have mirror bags too. So yeah, it would make sense that all of them would've joined us to give back the stuff.
Tanam: Okay. So you're heading southeast, in a section that seems a nice little setup of some, not particularly fancy, but very serviceable houses. They seem like there's a group of like-minded folks decided to set up, at that spot. You arrive at the house that is clearly Tagak's, at least as far as the birds are concerned. And, with the sheer number of birds that has landed on the house, they're squawking a bit and hopping around and not being super quiet. The door opens up and Tagak's head sticks out from behind it. Looks up first, you just hear some, some swearing. You can't tell exactly what she's saying, but you can tell, even from where you are, the tone. It's definitely, this is Tagak swearing. And then she is about to close the door and then looks out and sees you two and is like, "Oh! Oh, uh, um, uh, you should probably come inside, get away from the birds."
Harmony: Okay, let's go inside. So I think I was about to caw and change into my bird costume. I'm so glad I didn't.
Rozafeen: Yeah, nothing set Tagak at ease like showing up in feathers.
Harmony: It's a giant bird.
Tanam: As you guys get closer, she pulls her head back in, looks like she's listening to something inside and you can hear her like, "Oh, oh yeah. Um, oh, uh, um, I'm just gonna leave the door open. Uh, you can, uh, come in and close it behind you." And then she disappears.
Harmony: Okay, well, definitely all the followers come inside too.
Tanam: Okay. How many are we talking this time?
Harmony: Uh, seven, because of the seven mirror bags.
Tanam: Okay.
Rozafeen: Yeah, I feel like there's been like an inner circle of seven. I don't remember how many there were originally.
Tanam: It varies.
Harmony: I mean, it, it grows.
Don: And then it shrinks, then it grows, and then it shrinks.
Harmony: It doesn't shrink. They are going out to make more friends, so it might look like smaller numbers, but actually they're working.
Rozafeen: Hmm. There's a plan.
Tanam: So, okay, you all file into Tagak's not very big house.
Harmony: Oh yeah, one of my followers asked to use the restroom.
Tanam: Okay, so you get inside and close the door behind you, and, it's not a super big area. There's a hearth and some cooking stuff and there's some cushions and a table for eating and neither Tagak nor Teep is in the room.
Harmony: Okay.
Tanam: But you do hear some fumbling around.
Harmony: I'm sure Tagak'll be right back. I sit down and one of my friends starts brushing my hair.
Rozafeen: I think that while I'm waiting, I do my best to really take a look around this room.
Tanam: it's pretty simple. There's the hearth and a few cabinets. Everything seems not run down, but, worn. Used. The floor is slotted, probably to let sand from outside spill through and help with cooling. One thing that you do notice is that all of the little trinkets that Tagak sells, there's none of that here.
Rozafeen: Huh.
Tanam: The door opens up and Tagak stumbles out buttoning the shirt, like, the button holes are not aligned. Like there's an extra hole at the bottom and an extra button at the top. And, she's says, "Uh, so, uh, so yeah, you gotta look out for the birds. The, um, uh, I was, I was hoping that, that we would have a little bit more time before they started showing up, but it's, uh, I think, uh, I think that she's back at her tower and, yeah, we need to figure out what to do. Cause I don't think sticking around here is the best plan for me. And for Teep."
Rozafeen: Well, if y'all want to go on a, "we're so glad that we're together and committed" celebratory vacation, that seems like it would be relatively customary and we could send you off with a bag of gifts and recommend some nice lodgings while we sort out the initial spider investigation.
Harmony: Yeah, we have plenty of gifts.
Tanam: "Do you think that she'll, she'll keep her focus on here? And not, you know-"
Rozafeen: She's pretty angry at us. I mean, obviously she is concerned for Teep's wellbeing --we'll be charitable and say that it's just looking out for wellbeing-- but, yeah, we're pretty sure that we are the ones that she has the vendetta with. So you might actually have a little period of time where you have less heat than you would expect.
Harmony: Mm-hmm.
Tanam: "Hmm. But you do think it's a good idea for me to, to get outta here, right?"
Rozafeen: Well, let's be honest. I think this Sorcereress is powerful enough that even if you go on vacation in some other city, she's got some bird somewhere that can probably follow you. So truly escaping her vision, eh, probably not. But, if she was the kind of person who wanted to show up and just kill us all, I think that would've happened by now. So, so far, so good?
Harmony: And we could try talking to the birds on your behalf if you want.
Tanam: "Talking to the birds?"
Harmony: Yeah, they've been surprisingly friendly.
Tanam: "What?"
Harmony: If you ignore the devious looks and get to know their heart and their soul, they're actually not too bad.
Tanam: "...okay."
Rozafeen: It's basically like if there's normal people who are pressed into service of like building castles or things they wouldn't ordinarily do and doesn't make them bad people. They just know that if they don't do it, the ruler might cut their head off. Right? And as far as we can tell, that's what's going on with these birds. They're just regular ordinary birds going about their life. And every now and then, the Sorceress kind of forces them to spend their day doing something they otherwise wouldn't wanna do.
Tanam: "Okay." As you're talking, Teep comes out. She's looking much more put together than Tagak is in a nice, practical gown and is brushing her hair.
Harmony: Teep, if you want help brushing your hair, one of my friends will do that for you.
Rozafeen: She has people for that.
Tanam: "Oh? Okay." And one of your followers goes over and starts brushing her hair for her.
Harmony: Nice. So someone's brushing my hair and someone else is brushing Teep's hair. This is great.
Tanam: Tagak says, "Well. Okay. I'm glad everybody's getting their hair taken care of. So yeah, babe, I think, uh, they had this idea of of going on vacation and I think that seems like a good- a good plan. I hate to be avoidant of your mom, but..." and Teep makes a dismissive gesture and is like, "no, no, that's okay. She's a bit much." "So I don't know, like, I haven't ever gone on the run before. Should, uh, should we tell you where we're going or should we not tell you where we're going?"
Harmony: Oh. Definitely tell us.
Tanam: "That, uh, okay. Yeah. So if, if, so that you can come help if I need it?"
Harmony: Exactly.
Tanam: "Okay. That seems, that seems fine. so yeah, where have you, where have you always wanted to go?" "Huh. I think Kloyal."
Don: Kla-oil.
Tanam: Yes. I know. She doesn't.
Harmony: Kloyal is great.
Don: Uhg. I give up.
Rozafeen: Good cuz you're not there.
Tanam: "So, yeah, I, I've always wanted to go to Kloyal. We could probably go south down to the road first instead of starting out going east. Back towards my mom's tower is probably not the best place to be heading, but if we head down to the road first, it should be mostly fine."
Rozafeen: I have a couple of practical questions. The first is, does everything fit in one mirror bag? Because I don't know that I wanna give them all seven of our mirror bags, and I don't know that I wanna be like dumping out and consolidating contents right now.
Harmony: Yeah, that's true. And oh, maybe we can make it look like we gave them stuff. Maybe the birds could see us taking the stuff out of the mirror bags and then they can report to the Sorceress, "Oh, they gave it all back." But we don't actually do it.
Rozafeen: If we get caught with all of this stuff at some later time, it's not gonna work out very well for us. So I think we need to give all, or at least most, of it back. The question is, how do we do that without Tagak and Teep freaking out when we dump the contents of her mom's castle out on this living room floor.
Harmony: Because of the emotional response they might have or because they're like, that's a lot of stuff to bring.
Rozafeen: Both? Do you think that you could have your followers prepare the gift bag and just try to shove all of it into one bag?
Harmony: Mmm.
Rozafeen: Like, outside?
Harmony: Yeah, I think outside is great because then the birds will see it. So yes, "Friends, my hair looks beautiful. Teep's hair is gorgeous. Please put all the contents of your mirror bags into one bag. Outside."
Rozafeen: Other practical question. I'm asking you this player to player, not, I'm not saying it out loud in game. We don't know about the hot rocks. Are we about to give Tagak and Teep a bunch of hot rocks?
Harmony: Ohhhh. Right.
Don: Oh, this is gonna be great.
Rozafeen: Since we don't know about it, I don't know that there's anything that we could really do in this moment, but I don't feel good.
Vafrus: I feel good.
Don: I just like the idea of Urekas's followers putting a bunch of random rocks. They're just like, "don't know what these are for. Better put 'em in the bag."
Rozafeen: There's also that, that nasty crown, right?
Don: Oh yeah. The um, "buff" crown.
Tanam: So you put that back? Did you bring that back along as well?
Rozafeen: Yeah. We shoved all of it back in the bag when the Captain was knocking on the door.
Tanam: What about the rings that everybody took?
Rozafeen: So, I don't remember if anybody designated that they were wearing them versus putting them in the bag. Honestly, I don't even remember what all the rings were.
Tanam: People put on rings before, and I think you've maybe probably just been wearing them since. If you'd like to roll, I would say this is probably a Perception to see if you remember that you're wearing the rings, you can do that or you can just let it go.
Rozafeen: You know what? I like the, "there's been such a rush that I intended to be as lawful as possible after my grievous error the other night, but, caught up in the rush, I failed to remember that I was literally wearing some of the loot, and since I really don't remember, it can be kind of a fun surprise for later when you tell me what rings I have.
Tanam: So yeah, the followers head outside.
Harmony: Well, okay. Maybe I am mad and I secretly tell the followers, "Actually don't, because we don't, again, we don't want to upset them with the gifts of their mom and they don't seem that interested anyway, it more sounds like they just wanna get away."
Rozafeen: Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying that to your followers such that I can hear, or do I think we gave all the stuff back?
Harmony: Yeah. Yeah. You can hear.
Rozafeen: Hmm. That puts me in a pickle. I pull you aside and I'm like, "What are you doing?"
Harmony: We worked so hard and they don't want it.
Rozafeen: We didn't though, we didn't work hard.
Harmony: We wanted it really badly and they don't care. Maybe we should let them start a new life.
Vafrus: The one lawful person in a group full of chaos.
Rozafeen: I'm, I'm trying really hard to not have Tagak and Teep in this tiny room hear every freaking word I'm saying. So I'm trying to like, space my words out, maybe use some gestures, like "Not about them. About. Not. Caught. Stuff."
Harmony: And I'm just going "caw caw" so they think it's the birds.
Rozafeen: I hold up my fingers and I raise up three of them, and I say, " Pick three. Give the rest back as a gift. Be generous. Open your freaking heart."
Harmony: You know what? I would be willing to part with my beautiful dress as one of the gifts that, that I'm wearing right now made out of the sheets.
Don: You, you just know it's because she wore the dress once. So now why bother anymore?
Harmony: Everyone's already seen me in it.
Rozafeen: I'm like, "This is not gonna work if we keep most of the gifts."
Vafrus: Oh, Georg, you really should have stuck with Hellena. She needs you.
Don: I really shouldn't have gone with you.
Rozafeen: yeah, I really expected you to reign Ruffort in and boy was wrong.
Harmony: Well, okay, what if it was my dress and my mirror bag and maybe your mirror bag?
Rozafeen: See the thing is all... Again, like they're right there.
Harmony: "Caw! You see that? I'm gonna report that to the Sorceress! Caw!"
Rozafeen: I'm like, "look, could you please get to know as much as you can about these fine love birds, their hopes, their dreams, their plans, et cetera. And I will go outside and make sure that our gifts are adequate."
Harmony: Okay, will do. Do you want me to change first?
Rozafeen: I think the dress you're wearing now is lovely.
Harmony: Okay. All right. I'll talk to the birds. You go outside.
Rozafeen: Wait, the birds or the Tagak?
Tanam: The love birds.
Rozafeen: As opposed to our friend birds.
Harmony: I'll... I'll talk to Tagak.
Rozafeen: Tanam, do you wanna split the split party and do Harmony first, or do you wanna do me and the bags first?
Tanam: We can slowly keep splitting the party until it's just "and everyone's alone." is there anything that you would like to do in individual scenes, about that?
Rozafeen: So I wanna go outside with all the followers, watch them dump the bags, watch them put the stuff into one bag, and then that actually gives me an opportunity to be like, what the hell are those rocks?
Tanam: Ah, I see. You're metagaming. Okay.
Rozafeen: Well no, in game realistically, getting Urekas away from these followers and not tempted to keep half of the loot that we are trying to give back, is a very reasonable thing to do.
Don: Uh, DM lets players metagame, chaos ensues.
Rozafeen: One lawful cannot counter many chaos.
Don: Ah but two chaos can make a lot of chaos.
Rozafeen: I should have just put my foot down in the castle. I made a bad character choice. I got so swept up in how funny it was that we were being hobo robbers.
Don: Yeah, Gerog feels the same way.
Rozafeen: Hellena shoulda been waggin' her finger that whole time.
Don: Georg just wanted to sell coffee. And make good armor. And maybe be a coffee blacksmith shop someday.
Vafrus: But hobo robbers is so fun though.
Tanam: Okay.
Don: I feel like we've gotten far from our ideals.
Rozafeen: If Tanam thinks that the rock thing is too meta gamey, I'm sure that he can hand wave and be like, yep. You see a pile of stuff. You see a pile of stuff all end up in one bag and then aw, shucks, I didn't see the rocks. Or maybe I roll for it or something.
Tanam: You definitely see the rocks, it's just in there with the things that the followers have in their mirror bags. Kind of a pile of crap, not all of which you were paying super close attention to them putting in, in the first place. So the question is, do you pay attention to the rocks and wonder about them and delay this action that you are trying to make happen quickly?
Rozafeen: Yeah. If you're like, oh yeah, you see them, I think it's more if I just see a whole pile of junk and I see rocks in that pile of junk, probably I wouldn't take any action. So the question is, am I getting that ewwhuah vibe from them?
Tanam: Yeah, actually that's a good point. Let me look through my notes here.
Don: So do, these hot rocks look significantly different from normal rock? Like how-
Tanam: Not, not particularly.
Don: How ore-ish are these rocks?
Tanam: Um,
Don: Because if they're true ore they're gonna have crystaline structures, but if they're just like low content rocks, they're gonna maybe look a little bit greener or bluer or purpler, depending on the type of hot rock.
Tanam: Okay. So you- what you're saying is, is like they may or may not look interesting?
Don: They might really not look interesting. They might just look like, "who the hell put these rocks in here? We could throw those out" or not noticeable, or, "Hey, that's some cool green structures on that rock that looks like kinda like a, a salt structure, uh, but more green."
Rozafeen: That's a really interesting point. Normally, I don't like chaos, you know, flip a coin type stuff. But I think it would be sort of funny if there was a die rolled for like, you know, "Oh, clearly this belongs to her and she's gonna want it back. Stick it back in. Definitely. Definitely." Versus "I'm getting a bad vibe off of this. I'm starting to feel sick" versus "first bedsheets, then they're just picking up random rocks. Damn it." kicking them away. These all seem reasonable.
Don: Maybe they thought these normal looking rocks were really interesting. That's weird.
Tanam: Tell you what, you listed three things. How about you roll a 1d12?
Rozafeen: Okay. Eight.
Tanam: Okay. so that would be the second thing that you said, which is,
Rozafeen: I think my second one was, oh, these are making me feel sick.
Tanam: Yeah. Okay. That's what happens. They dump out the rocks and as soon as they do- especially as soon as they come out of the mirror bag- you're paying very close attention to the ground where all the stuff is coming out because you're planning on noting everything that is there. And, as soon as the rocks fall out, the ground distorts a bit. It's like a mirage, but just briefly, and suddenly your stomach lurches a bit. You don't fall over, but you feel dizzy for a second.
Rozafeen: Can I roll Medicine on myself? Is that a thing?
Tanam: Sure.
Rozafeen: Ooh, that's a Nat 20! Plus four.
Tanam: Nice. that feeling is consistent with being poisoned.
Rozafeen: Hmm.
Tanam: Although it's gone now.
Rozafeen: Did the rocks get pushed away or...
Tanam: No, they're still there. It was just that it was momentary. It was very correlated with them falling out. So there's this: you know that there is something weird about those rocks.
Rozafeen: I say to the followers, "Everything into one bag, please. Please stay away from those rocks. They've been known to make people sick, and your health is of utmost importance."
Tanam: The followers look a little bit confused but listen to what you say. So the golden dinner plates, a bunch of books, like a serious lot of books come out of the bag.
Rozafeen: I think the books are my fault and I'm really tempted to keep one, but nope, if I'm making- I'm making Urekas give her stuff back.
Tanam: And the tiara and the various cushions and stuff from the bed. They pack it all up, and, with no further instructions, head back inside.
Rozafeen: I feel bad that I'm not doing something about the cursed tiara, but I don't think I know it's cursed.
Tanam: Nope, you don't.
Rozafeen: As they're heading back in and I say, "Please present the gift bag to the happy couple."
Tanam: Okay.
Rozafeen: I'm not sure what to do about these rocks. Do I have something that could mark the spot? Oh, hey, I have chalk. I'm gonna make just like a chalk circle around them so that if I wanna come back after I think about it, I can find 'em easier.
Tanam: Okay.
Rozafeen: I don't wanna get too close to them though, so a big circle.
Tanam: Okay. It's sandy dirt or a dirty sand. Like it's not paved over here.
Rozafeen: Yeah. I'm just, I'm worried if I don't mark it, it's just gonna be, you know. "Yep. There's rocks." Uh, what have I got that I might be willing to give up? Hmm.
Tanam: They took their own mirror bags, but, so I'll say that they left Urekas's mirror bag out here on the ground.
Rozafeen: I'm pretty sure we took Georg's mirror, but like we took all the mirror bags that were available to us.
Tanam: Okay, so yours is the one that ended up with all the stuff in it. Georg's and Urekas's are out here.
Rozafeen: Oh man. Are you telling me that my plan means I'm short a mirror bag? That sucks. But, okay. Wait, we didn't accidentally just give away some of Urekas's gear-gear, correct? If we had them dump all the bags, did we check for that?
Tanam: I think y'all put it into the, into your packs.
Don: I'm pretty sure Georg packed Urekas's pack in the first place when we first went out on the, uh, adventures from North Bridge. So there's probably a lot of stuff like rope and pitons that Urekas maybe doesn't actually know what they are.
Rozafeen: For me, my stuff is in the mirror bag, heavy stuff. Cause I've got low strength.
Don: My stuff is in the mirror bag because I'm wearing 30,000 pounds of armor.
Tanam: Okay. So, that complicates this whole situation. How did you know which things to...
Rozafeen: Say that back at the, this is retconning a bit, and I, we probably should have handled this while Captain was knocking at the door. But can we say that in that panic, "shove it all in the bags. Shove it all in the bags," that we left our own shit on the floor in a mess in the hotel?
Don: I don't know. I feel like it's funnier if Georg doesn't have any spare clothes, or anything. I, I feel like if we're gonna do that, maybe people roll a thing or uh, uh, something, because I- it's fine if we just are missing stuff and don't realize it and we screwed up. Like, I feel like that's a great thing to happen. As in, it's a terrible thing to happen.
Harmony: So you're commando under the armor?
Don: Um, mean, Georg has one pair of underwear now. It's not great.
Rozafeen: No, you know what? Like just as a practical matter, I am standing right there. There is no way that I am gonna let them give back my abacus or my mug of feather fall that I specially earned from my former employer or my freaking herbalism kit.
Don: And you'd probably recognize all of our um, chocolate fountains cuz they look a lot like that. So we'll all get a bag back with at least one chocolate fountain.
Rozafeen: Yeah, so like if, if there's something that's obviously, obviously yours, then I think it's fair that in the moment I was like, "oh, not those rocks. Oh, also not my special world's greatest coffee delivery woman, mug-a feather fall. But there might be like, yeah, Georg is down a pair of underpants.
Tanam: Because obviously that belonged to the Sorceress.
Rozafeen: We took. Her. Sheets.
Don: But we gave back my underwear.
Rozafeen: I also kind of like Urekas having a right to be mad at me to complicate the whole she owes me money thing.
Vafrus: Ruffort was just ahead of his time when he dumped out all of his stuff in her bedroom.
Don: It's all in Georg's mirror bags, so it's probably gone now. are gonna find like 500 pittons and be like what the fuck was the Sorceress doing with these?
Tanam: okay. For anything that is not a special to you item, from now on, straight up and down, you'll roll a 1d4 or something, and one and two, you don't have it anymore.
Don: I really love this because like, we're not even gonna notice there's no weight difference in the bags. They're mirror bags. Of course you're not gonna notice any difference. So we're just gonna be like, yeah, I have all my stuff like normal.
Tanam: Yep. This is excellent.
Don: Not knowing that Urekas happened. And Hellena helped.
Harmony: You wish you didn't know that Urekas happened.
Don: The only person I trust now is Justice.
Rozafeen: Well, to be fair, Justice wouldn't have taken it in the first place.
Tanam: Is Justice hanging back at the hotel or is she, like, sleeping on Tagak's floor right now?
Rozafeen: Oh yeah. We didn't settle that. I assume she would come. I think she's outside with me.
Tanam: She's sitting off in the thing as far as she can get from the rocks.
Don: don't know. I feel like she- she should have to roll a uh, a die to see if Justice is at the local meat sellers.
Tanam: She's definitely eyeing the birds.
Rozafeen: Yeah I was just thinking that.
Tanam: And they're eyeing her back.
Rozafeen: So do we wanna do Urekas talking to Tagak and Teep and mind scraping them or whatever fun thing that she wanted to do with that scene? Or do we wanna start with that next time?
Don: Yeah. It's getting late. Uh, I gotta, I gotta run. uh, uh, sorry, everybody.
Tanam: No problem. I am happy with this as a spot to leave it with all of your stuff in future uncertainty. This is excellent.
Rozafeen: I guess I'll go back to my research.
Tanam: Aww. I'm sorry, Rozafeen.
Don: "Oh, I just have to do cool research. I'm so disappointed."
Rozafeen: It was cool the first three postdocs.
Don: You must not like your research very much.
Rozafeen: Let's just say... no.
Don: Damn. Wow. Oh, I'm sorry. I assumed all of us were into the thing and just didn't like students.
The Intern: This episode featured
Chelsea Burns as Harmony as Urekas.
Harmony: You feel which one is the 20, and then you rub it just the right way.
The Intern: Find her on Instagram @ChelseaComedy.
Chris Grumbles as Don as Georg.
Don: Get some shivs in there. Shim, not shiv.
The Intern: Find him on Instagram @ChrisGrumbles.
Desiree Phair as Rozafeen as Hellena and Justice.
Rozafeen: you probably don't wanna make a habit of trying to shoot them all out of the sky.
The Intern: Sylas Silver as Vafrus as Calumn as Ruffort.
Vafrus: You can do anything you want if you're wearing somebody else's face.
The Intern: Check out his RPG at readysetrole.org.
Mark E. Phair as Tanam the dm.
Tanam: Thank you for converting that scene from possibly usable to not at all.
The Intern: Find him at markephair.com.
And me, Damian Lichtenstein, as the Intern. Find me on Instagram @thatdamlich.
Thank you for listening to Coffee, Cults, and Empires.
Edited by Mark and Desiree.
Music by Kevin Vitz-Wong. Hear more music at kevinvitzwong.bandcamp.com.
Character art and logo design by Carmanda. Find her at carmandaartsthings.com.
Sensitivity consulting by Dominique Dickey. Find links to more of their work, including fiction and game design, at dominiquedickey.com.
Support us on Patreon for access to outtakes, worldbuilding, and more!
Find all these links in the episode notes or at coffeecultsandempires.com, where you can also find transcripts, art, actor and character bios, and more.
That's coffeecultsandempires.com.
Don: Ruffort couldn't reign me in.