The Intern: Hi everyone! Your host the Intern here. Hopping in at the start of the episode to let you all know that we're switching to releasing episodes every other week rather than weekly. Is that bi-weekly? Uh. Fortnightly! Anyway, look for episodes on Sunday, March 30th and April 6th, and then the next after that will be on April 20th. Nice. Thanks for listening. Let's get that music going.
The Intern: Hey everyone, it's Coffee, Cults, and Empires, and I've got some really, really bad news. The company is still planning on moving forward with destroying the world. I won't say who told me, because I don't want to get them in trouble, but someone told me that they heard that someone named Rosie from accounting is the one who started it, and she's the one who wants the world, quote, "decommissioned."
It sickens me that they use those words to talk so dismissively about a world full of people. If they only knew just some of them like I did- or like we do- I bet they'd reconsider their plan to destroy a world just to save a few bucks, or whatever it is that you're trying to do if you're working in accounting and named Rosie.
I mean, just because their world is in a petri dish doesn't mean that they aren't people. I'm trying to find things that I can do in the lab to save them. In the meantime, let's make our voices heard. Use hashtag PetriPeople, that's P E T R I People, on all the socials. Let's tell Inside the Box Sciences Incorporated that they can't decommission a world.
And while you're at it, share your favorite moment from the show so far. And, uh, maybe share something other than the last episode, like something with fewer incidents involving Urekas and lizards.
Oh, speaking of, the crew is heading towards the desert, trying to find the Sorceress's tower in the middle of an oasis, which Tagak the artisan insists is there. Tagak is certain that the Sorceress there is responsible for the spider attack on the Hall, which is how she managed to drag the party out into the desert with her. The Sorceress is also trying to prevent her daughter from dating Tagak, though, so...
Tanam:
Hey, everybody.
Harmony: Hey!
Vafrus: Happy Beantern Day!
Rozafeen: What's up?
Tanam: Happy Bean Day!
Don't worry, everybody. The Intern's got you.
Rozafeen: I'm not worried.
Don: "Interns got you."
Vafrus: Beantern- happy Beantern Day, Tanem. What'd you get me?
Tanam: What?
Vafrus: What, what'd you get me for Beantern Day, Tanam?
Tanam: Um,
Vafrus: just kidding. I know, I know.
Tanam: okay. Thank you.
Rozafeen: Raise your hand if you rubbed coffee grounds all over your body.
Don: I used those coffee grounds to make coffee and then put the ceremonial shot of, uh, coffee rum into my coffee.
Tanam: Please at least just don't call it "ceremonial,"
Don: I was very ritualistic about it.
Tanam: Okay, but, but, it-
Don: It was really good.
Vafrus: I totally went bean jumping for the first time. It was so much fun!
Harmony: Ooh, what did you do?
Vafrus: I jumped off the Bridge.
Don: Oh, nice.
Vafrus: Yeah, yeah!
Rozafeen: I have always wanted to try that.
Vafrus: it's super fun, it's terrifying.
Harmony: Well, obviously the Intern had you.
Vafrus: Yeah.
Tanam: I mean, "don't worry everybody, the Intern's got you."
Rozafeen: Why are you saying it like that?
Don: yeah, it just sounds weird.
Rozafeen: This is a day of joy.
Harmony: We're not worried. He survived, obviously.
Vafrus: Yeah, Intern got me, Tanam. Intern got me. Yep.
Don: Intern got ya.
Vafrus: Yeah. I was, I was safe. It was fun.
Don: I do love this day. This was about half the inspiration for Georg as a character. Those days by the Bridge, having people jump off and then you go to a coffee shop- just, order an Intern's coffee and sip while you're walking along the Bridge.
Vafrus: Being like half drunk when you jump really is even better.
Don: Half drunk?
Vafrus: I mean-
Rozafeen: Be careful. Tanam gets upset you alter the coffee before goes on the altar.
Vafrus: Oh yeah. Sorry about-
Don: totally put it on an altar and it was totally normal sober coffee.
Harmony: Yeah, well, normally you're not supposed to be drinking, but on this day you can.
Vafrus: Yeah, because the Intern's got you. It's fine.
Harmony: Intern's got you!
Don: Intern's gotcha.
Tanam: That's, that, um, so, that-
Rozafeen: I really think of it as sheet jumping, people just tie a bunch of sheets together, right?
Don: Yeah, no, I mean, but they're kind of stretchy sheets.
Rozafeen: Do they ever call it sheeting? Because that would be cool.
Vafrus: It's it's bean jumping. bean jumping. The bean jumper people have it covered. They know how to do it. And I showed up.
Harmony: They call it "sheeting" when they don't believe in the Intern. "Sheet's got you!"
Vafrus: That's every other day.
Don: That's where "yer at the end of your sheet" comes from.
Vafrus: Oh. Hey, actually that makes a lot of sense. Yeah.
Don: Wait, where do the sheets come from and why do they use sheets?
Tanam: it-
Rozafeen: Tanam, do you have some sort of stuffy explanation?
Tanam: So, quote unquote "bean jumping," it doesn't even date back to when the game is set. Oh, you know, it's kind of like the, uh-
Rozafeen: The rock?
Tanam: I was going to say, yeah, it's like the sideways harpsichord.
Vafrus: Yeah. Yeah. It took them a while to figure out how to correctly celebrate. That's true. Yeah.
Don: Wait, so somebody was just huffing rocks one day and decided to tie a bunch of sheets together for this?
Vafrus: You want to play a game of fantasy and adventure?
Harmony: Oh no, Tanam has a scroll.
Don: Oh-
Vafrus: He's getting out the scroll. Oh no.
Don: I mean, bring out the altar, too. I wanna see.
Tanam: Well, I could- I mean, yeah, it can- can you see it- alter over there? I've got it over- can you see it over my-
Harmony: Yep.
Don: no, your, your Intern is very statuesque. I like-
Rozafeen: Love the altar.
Tanam: Okay. The scrolls are- I have spent the day in the scroll reading. It takes a while.
Rozafeen: On this day of Beantern?
Vafrus: There's not time to jump off of the Bridges because really the, the reading of the scroll takes a lot of time. And then you got to go around and give coffee to those who've lost someone in the previous year. Yeah, there's a lot going on. I don't understand why everyone decided to invent a bunch of other random things.
People celebrate Beantern Day in different ways. I'm just sad I missed the coffee fight this year.
Don: I do support your charity efforts. That's, that's very noble on this day. I mean, that's really cool, but I, I, why Beantern Day? It's just silly.
Vafrus: What do you mean, why Beantern Day? Cause it's awesome!
Don: Bean tern. Bean. Tern. It makes no sense.
Tanam: Bean Intern, like-
Vafrus: the Intern, yeah, dropped a bean on the world. Like it's, it's, it was a really big deal.
Don: Yeah, no, like, drop the bean that sounds cool.
Tanam: The Intern not drop the bean, so like it says in the scroll, "and he did catch the world as it fell in His hands, in His mighty hands-"
Vafrus: Okay. Let's game. Let, no, no reading the scroll. Come on.
Don: " in haaaands he did catch tha beeaaan"
Rozafeen: I think that i, I definitely don't want to hear the scroll, but think that hearing the whole name said- you know, I'm, I am the sort of person that likes names with the little catch, or just names that are whole and aren't chopped half in the middle, like, I'm not Roz, I'm not Feen Feen, I'm Rozafeen. I like whole names. They're nice.
Vafrus: yeah yeah
Don: er, er, Bean Intern Day
Vafrus: That would just be silly.
Tanam: yeah, that sounds awkward,
Rozafeen: That sounds super awkward.
Don: I mean does, I didn't say it was good, it's just, gonna not cut names.
Tanam: Beantern. "Don't worry everybody, the Intern's got you."
Rozafeen: Again, saying it like you're sad and disappointed in that. Tanam, you realize there are people in this world who like fun and that that's okay, right?
Tanam: Uh, okay.
Rozafeen: Close enough. I'll take it.
Vafrus: Intern's got you, too, Tanam. Let's play.
Harmony: Yep, Intern's got you.
Don: Interns gotcha! And I got this coffee, heh heh. I
Rozafeen: You drinking it through a straw or something? What was that?
Don: was drinking it through my throat, mostly
Vafrus: So I've got face hole-
Don: There are actual tears in my eyes. I feel the Intern's wrath. I'm gonna repent.
Vafrus: You want to play a game, Tanam?
Tanam: okay.
Vafrus: All right, so once it is clear that Urekas is finished with the lizard. I do kind of have to wait for her to like walk away from it or something cuz I can't understand what she's saying.
Tanam: Yeah, that's right. She's just like "grrawragagoh,"
Vafrus: yeah, yeah. As, as far as I can tell, she's getting a lot of valuable information from the lizard. that seems in fact that I, I'm certain that is what is happening actually. Yeah.
Tanam: Although she's getting increasingly upset as the uh-
Vafrus: Yeah. It's cuz the lizard is telling her very disturbing secrets.
Rozafeen: I thought we got to resolution last time, actually.
Tanam: yeah, no, you had, you had.
Rozafeen: I think she decided to let it live..
Harmony: Yeah, it's very generous of me.
Vafrus: All right. So, so this time I, I'm, I'm gonna once again be in front of the party. But this time it's all business. Uh, I'm gonna try to set a pretty clip pace and I'm gonna actually be looking around and seeing what's up. Not because I'm like worried about lizards, but because, uh, my Armor of Anxeet spell only lasts an hour and I don't wanna waste it. I'm really hoping we can find whatever we're gonna find in the next hour and like I'm suddenly like focused on trying to make that happen.
Tanam: Okay. it was supposed to be a two hour walk and you were about an hour into it, so it'll be running out just in time for you guys to arrive at the tower.
Vafrus: Excellent.
Tanam: Okay. are you keeping the same order that you had before?
Don: Yeah, I'll be doing exactly the same thing, except for I'll actually be paying attention this time. I'm gonna, you know, uh, not just listen to conversations. Also, there's no interesting conversation going on.
Tanam: Is the light spell cast on Georg's armor?
Don: On my armor.
Tanam: What's the duration on that?
Don: Good question.
Vafrus: It lasts an hour, but I can recast it as many times as I want.
Tanam: Okay. Are you going to, uh, re-up it, when it suddenly goes dark?
Vafrus: Yeah.
Don: Think I could get like a cool purple color or something this time?
Vafrus: Yeah. Yeah. I think I can do colors. Let me make sure. yeah, I, I, I'm pretty sure I can make what it be, whatever color I want, so, yeah. Now it's purple, which is actually like pretty poor light to see things by, but yeah, whatever.
Don: it's perfect for nighttime.
Tanam: okay, well, I mean, like, you are also standing right next to Tagak who is carrying a torch. but you know.
Vafrus: We'll go, we'll go like mostly white with like bands of purple. How about that?
Tanam: Okay.
Vafrus: You know, to camouflage.
Don: Excellent. Camouflage made of light.
Vafrus: That's what deserts look like, right? So forging ahead.
Tanam: There's, let's see. So, oh, oh, that's right. I've got this thing. And you should be able to see a new glaze now.
Don: Oh, oh yeah. I can see it.
Tanam: Do you see the map?
Don: I see the map!
Rozafeen: Definitely a map!
Don: Wow!
Vafrus: That's really impressive. Do you, do you have like a split glaze? How did you, how did do that?
Don: Whose glaze is that?
Tanam: That's, that's, that's mine. I got a second one.
Harmony: What.
Don: Serious?
Rozafeen: Wait what?
Don: You're a professor, right? You're not like a drug lord? Secretly?
Tanam: Well, no, I mean, I would, I wouldn't, I, I probably wouldn't say so if I, if was, but.
Don: I mean, sure.
Rozafeen: A secret one at least.
Vafrus: You rented it, right? It's a rental glaze?
Tanam: No. Rentals are... it costs more over time.
Don: That's really clear!
Tanam: Yeah. It's, it's a, it's, I didn't wanna get a bad one if I'm trying to show you maps and you gotta see all the details and everything like that and-
Vafrus: I mean, it looks really good. There's, did, did, did you make this, is this your map?
Tanam: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Vafrus: Wow.
Tanam: You can't see the whole thing right now cuz, I'm just showing a little portion of it.
Don: We can see that you have a piece of paper over it.
Tanam: well, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm covering the rest of the map.
Harmony: Can we see the whole map?
Don: Yeah, we totally want to.
Rozafeen: Not yetttttt...
Tanam: You will see the whole map, but but, but you've gotta, like your charcters actually have get there. This is like-
Rozafeen: What if we have lunch three more times, then can see the whole map?
Don: Georg will make you coffee. It won't be good, but it will be coffee.
Tanam: Once you explore the map, you can see the parts of the map that you're exploring.
Harmony: I want to quit my job and work where you're working.
Don: Yeah, seriously, if it pays this freaking well, what was I doing?
Rozafeen: Tanam, in all seriousness, the the map is lovely. Thank you so much for investing in us, both your time and your money, but I am starting to worry about whether you are investing maybe more of your money than is manageable...
Tanam: uh
Rozafeen: ...in these awesome surprises for our game.
Tanam: I'm, it's, it's, it's fine. I, I don't have a huge list of things to spend money on at the moment, so. You know, I, I wouldn't say that I'm, I'm, I'm rolling in it from the, uh, prestigious professorship, but, but, uh, you know,
Rozafeen: we, we know.
Don: All right. What do you sell on the side? Come on, out with it.
Rozafeen: Do you write romance novels?
Don: Oh, I bet it's steamy romance.
Rozafeen: Steamy, lucrative romance.
Vafrus: You could probably get someone to buy some of those thousand year old recordings still.
Don: I'll tell you what, the university does not pay that well, at least not mine.
Vafrus: Wait, wait, Tanam. How old is the glaze? is it, is it period specific?
Tanam: new.
Don: It looks new. It's. There's no distortion. if you look like the map is perfectly clear.
Tanam: Okay.
Don: Howdoya that mounted?
Tanam: Oh, uh, I, I have it on, uh, I have the map and then I've got two books on the side.
Don: How many degrees of freedom do you have on the mounting surface? You got like three? Five?
Tanam: Degrees of freedom?
Don: Like how many angles can you put it at?
Tanam: I guess I could put a bowl under one end of the map and that would like, tilt-
Vafrus: Are there, are there four stacks of books Tanam?
Don: I don't understand.
Vafrus: That sounds like four degrees of freedom.
Don: You put it between books. I thought that was a joke.
Tanam: No, there's two stacks of books. And here, look, I'll, I'll you can see if I move, if I move this book, it like tilts it and you can kind of see the books over there.
Don: Oh why does it hurt?
Tanam: Okay. So I'm gonna put it back. Sorry, my hand there. Okay. It's, it's-
Don: Yeah, we can see.
Vafrus: But can see it in such exquisite detail. Every little hair.
Tanam: So yeah, there it is. That's, that's, it's got, it's got two stacks of books, and then I put the, the glaze on top and it's looking down .
Don: Okay, look, Georg needs to drop for another drink because this hurts too much.
Harmony: Tanam, we love you. You're our friend no matter what. Just just note that.
Don: seriously, can I help you with a mounting bracket for that? I, I bet I could get good magnification, good angles.
Harmony: We love no matter what you spend on us. We're your friends.
Tanam: If you want, I mean, are you planning, Don to, to come visit the coast anytime soon?
Don: I'll come out there just to make that not between two stacks of books.
Tanam: Shining hair!
Don: Wanted a beach trip. That's what I wanted. I wanted a beach trip. And uh, why don't I come out there and also bring you, uh, what are the dimensions on that thing?
Tanam: We can, we can figure that out.
Harmony: You're a bad influence.
Don: Okay, I'm gonna need you to measure it and then you let me know then I'm gonna come out to the coast for a "beach trip." Hey, Harmony, you wanna out and, um, support our friend and maybe get some beach food?
Harmony: I think you could use some supervision, so yes.
Don: Fine. Fine. Sure. Supervision. Long as we get oysters afterwards, I don't care.
Rozafeen: Well, I'm going to stay right where I am, because I make about a third of what you guys make.
Tanam: Oh, that's right. Uh, perpetual postdoc pay is probably not that great.
Rozafeen: It's definitely not beach vacations pay.
Don: Look, professor is not beach vacations pay. I do the like one of these every time Tanam does something dumb.
Tanam: Oh, hey.
Rozafeen: Yeah, apparently, it's collections of artifacts level pay is what's, playing out before me.
Don: I just wanna know where he hides his drugs, because clearly that seems to be thing that he's actually doing on the side.
Tanam: Uh, hold on one second. I'm gonna, uh, I'll be right back.
Vafrus: I mean, you can see the details of the map, like really well. This is, is really something.
Rozafeen: it's, it's a really good piece of glaze.
Harmony: Yeah...
Don: How do ya afford one of those? I mean, I'd have to sell my kidney.
Harmony: We haven't counted his kidneys.
Don: A fair point.
Vafrus: Guys. That's not very good art.
Don: I thought it was professional.
Rozafeen: I mean, I'm not gonna talk about where we're setting the bar. I'm just gonna stick with the glaze. The glaze is really nice.
Harmony: The glaze is really shiny.
Don: I guess he did color outside the lines there.
Harmony: Oh, I just noticed the lines.
Don: And that looks more like a blob than a tower.
Rozafeen: Is that a stick figure lizard?
Don: Oh yeah, that's the tail...
Rozafeen: I said nothing.
Harmony: It's abstract.
Rozafeen: Ah, there we go.
Don: I think that's actually an Equilateralist lizard.
Tanam: Okay, I'm back.
Harmony: Hey.
Tanam: Sorry about that.
Vafrus: Have a good... break?
Tanam: I was absolutely not selling drugs to someone.
Rozafeen: That was a weird thing to say.
Don: Super convincing.
Vafrus: I mean, we actually believe you though.
Tanam: so we've got the map, uh, you guys ready to start exploring it so you can see more of it?
Rozafeen: Can we kill some things?
Vafrus: Can't wait to see more of it, Tanam.
Rozafeen: I can't wait to kill some things. I mean, you know, my character really isn't a run around and kill things indiscriminately character, but I wish she was.
Harmony: Oh, I can kill things on your behalf.
Rozafeen: Oh thank you!
Harmony: You're welcome!
Don: Is the lizard, uh, drawn in a Hexagonalist manner just because of what Urekas did to it?
Harmony: How dare you.
Don: I thought it might be symbolic, that's all.
Rozafeen: Hey, that sploogy thing the one that Justice ate?
Tanam: No, that's, another lizard.
Rozafeen: Oh, of course. I knew that.
Tanam: Okay. So anyhow-
Vafrus: It's really good Tanam. It looks really great.
Harmony: Yeah. Thank you, Tanem.
Vafrus: Yeah.
Tanam: okay. let's move on. Let's let get you guys onto this map. Ready?
Harmony: Ready.
Rozafeen: Woo.
Don: Wait are we rolling initiative?
Tanam: No, not yet.
Rozafeen: I think we're just walking somewhere.
Tanam: walking.
Rozafeen: a walk.
Tanam: Just walking through the desert. Okay. Walking through-
Don: no, Georg probably does have to roll ta walk.
Tanam: Forging ahead. So after another hour or so of walking. So these here, these brown triangles are a big wall of these rock piles that you've seen intermittently. There were lizards hiding in one of them. But this one is hundreds of feet long, both sides of a- maybe a hundred foot wide opening. And so you're coming basically directly towards it. Hellena, you can see through the opening, once you get past that outer wall of rocks, there's another trail that goes in through that opening, and there are more of those rocks, but they are covered in greenery.
Rozafeen: Mm-hmm.
Tanam: it's pretty clear that this is definitely some sort of oasis situation.
Rozafeen: Mm-hmm.
Tanam: Off in the distance, past those greenery-covered rocks, you see the top of what appears to be a stone tower.
Rozafeen: Ooh.
Vafrus: Alright. Well, mission accomplished. Found the tower. Definitely exists. Let's go back guys.
Tanam: So, Tagak is like, "uh, yeah. So, um..."
Harmony: oh no.
Tanam: "...there it is."
Harmony: I owe somebody money.
Vafrus: Yeah. Yeah Yeah. ya do.
Don: I can't believe you bet on that. Wait, I didn't bet on that. Right?
Harmony: No no, it was just me.
Don: Look, I know it was only a couple hours ago, but, uh, good, good.
Harmony: It was because I, I, I wanted money to pay back Hellena so I thought this was the way to get it.
Rozafeen: Don't drag me into this.
Don: Ah, it's rough.
Harmony: Hrm. Dang it.
Vafrus: Do- do you have money? Can you uphold your end of the bet?
Harmony: Of course!
Vafrus: Okay.
Harmony: Yeah. Oh, but that tower. is just so interesting, isn't it?
Vafrus: Uhhuh, it is...
Harmony: Just look at it.
Vafrus: I mean I'm, I'm looking at it. Yeah.
Don: Of course, yeah, absolutely. "Georg, you got any money?"
Tanam: So just to be clear, y'all can't see anything unless you're using some sort of enhanced vision.
Vafrus: Ahh. Okay.
Tanam: It is not a brightly lit up tower. Hellena can see it because of the goggles. I'm assuming she told you.
Rozafeen: I definitely tell the group that-
Vafrus: Okay, good, good.
Rozafeen: yeah, that she- she owes some money.
Harmony: Hermmm.
Tanam: But the "look at that tower!" is, uh...
Harmony: Oh, cause I can't see it.
Vafrus: Look the darkness, where the tower definitely is.
Harmony: like getting this feeling, from over there.
Don: If I look real close, I think I can see some dark in the dark.
Harmony: Let's get closer to it!
Vafrus: Wasn't our point of coming out here just to like, scout and make sure the tower exists?
Rozafeen: Nope.
Harmony: I mean, now that we're here, doesn't it make sense to explore it just a little bit? As long as I can get back in time for my date.
Rozafeen: I think your date's tomorrow. So we're- we're good.
Vafrus: We're gonna end up confronting like whoever's in there. People who have magic towers have pretty good security. And we're not that sneaky.
Harmony: Yeah, we're very loud and rambunctious.
Don: My armor's literally glowing.
Rozafeen: Heh heh heh heh.
Tanam: Tagak does look a little bit frustrated that there's even a question about going in.
Vafrus: Tagak can go in. Gohead!
Rozafeen: I think it's just good manners to say hi.
Yeah, I mean, we, we just need to get to the bottom of this and I don't think that we're just gonna look at the tower and say hello to the tower so...
"Hi tower!"
Don: We could knock. Let's knock!
Vafrus: Okay. I mean, we can go. Sure. Let's go say hi, I guess. I mean, alright.
Tanam: Tagak is like, "okay, so, okay. Uh, good, good. I'm glad that, um, that you've decided to, uh, go in there and, and, and, and confront her. Like I said before, I don't know. I, I, I don't have a huge amount of information that I can, I can share. Like, I know that she sends evil spiders and other minions to, to come harass me and, you know, maybe even try to kill me. But yeah, I, I just, I, I don't have a whole lot of like, uh, you know, secrets about the tower, I can share that will help you."
Don: Have you ever been in this tower?
Tanam: "Oh no. She'd kill me."
Don: So you haven't done any like romantic gestures, like playing the lute outside of the tower, or...?
Tanam: "no, no, I, I-"
Don: Throwing rocks at the window?
Tanam: "I, uh, tend to just, uh, um, stay away because, uh, I kind of like living."
Don: Okay. Yeah, I guess, uh, that's reasonable.
Tanam: So, so far Tagak's information has been pretty solid and Tagak seems to think if we go in there, they're gonna try to kill at least her, probably all of us.
"Oh yeah, that's why I'm, that's why, no, I mean, that's why I'm staying out here."
Vafrus: Yeah-
Don: Okay, so if we go in there and you're out here all alone, is this making sense yet?
Tanam: "I, I mean, like, I, I think as long as I don't harass any lizards, I'll be fine. And not showing up with me is probably for the best because she doesn't like me."
Harmony: I- I think you coming with us is a really good idea, because then we can protect you, and then you won't be alone. Can I roll deception?
Vafrus: Can, I assist with persuasion? Because I am convinced people who have magic towers are already aware of us. Like there's zero chance we are not already like up on some kind of magical crystal.
Don: watching from the outside being like "as soon as they go in, if she's alone, that's it."
Vafrus: So, so. You might be lying. I'm telling the truth. I think if we leave you, you're gonna die.
Don: Thank you. I completely agree.
Rozafeen: I mean, realistically we're up on some crystal ball and she's calling us dumb asses is what's really happening.
Vafrus: I mean, yes, correct.
Tanam: So what are everybody's various roles?
Don: Uh, I'm gonna stay as, uh, beacon of light.
Tanam: No, uh, sorry, r o l l.
Don: Yeah, no, I'm just not gonna make one.
Tanam: Okay.
Don: I'll look around and pretend like I don't have any charisma, cuz I don't.
Rozafeen: Yeah, I don't really care whether she stays outside or not.
Vafrus: Ok, I got a, I got a 15.
Harmony: Uh, I rolled a seventeen.
Tanam: Okay. Uh both-
Harmony: It'd be 17 plus 10 if we're doing deception.
Vafrus: Nice. I'm like trying to come up with reasons and arguments and you just have this look in your eyes.
Harmony: Batting my eyelashes.
Tanam: Yep. You convince her that it is safer to hang out with you, specifically, Urekas.
Harmony: Hahahaha! Yayyyyy!
Don: Urekas is oddly very powerful.
Vafrus: Yeah, why do you think all these people follow her around?
Harmony: Well now you get it.
Don: I don't know how they haven't died yet. I really don't.
Harmony: Excuse me.
Rozafeen: Yeah we're not exactly protecting them.
Tanam: They, look, upset.
Don: Sorry, everybody. Sorry. I didn't mean it.
Harmony: Okay. Well, I look at my followers and say, forgive him. He knows not what he says.
Don: That's very kind of you. I say under my breath, but a little too loud.
Harmony: I take it as sincerity.
Tanam: So you're gonna head on in?
Vafrus: Yeah apparently. I don't wanna be in front anymore though. Hey, Georg!
Don: Yeah, that's sorta my whole job.
Vafrus: Ooo. Guys, here's a pitch.
Harmony: Mm-hmm
Vafrus: What if we take Tagak and like sort of tie her up as if she's our prisoner and we've like brought her as a, I don't know, gift hostage sort of situation. Then we might be welcomed slightly longer and then we could surprise them instead of the other thing that's definitely gonna happen.
Harmony: That could work.
Don: I feel like she probably already knows, and if we tie her up now, it'd look a little suspicious.
Vafrus: I mean, yes. I mean, but maybe not. Maybe the scrying only happens once we enter the, the clearly drawn map here, the borders of this rock formation thing.
Rozafeen: I sigh, and I say, "We are clearly overthinking this." And I just walk toward the tower.
Harmony: hehehe
Don: I remain steadfastly in front.
Tanam: You passed through that border entryway, into what's clearly an oasis. As soon as you pass in, the whole area just feels less like a desert. The air is not as dry; the rock and dirt and sand is less sandy, more dirt and packed dirt for this trail.
Vafrus: Okay. I'm gonna legitimately start trying to sneak.
Tanam: Okay.
Vafrus: so I'm gonna like distance myself from the group a little bit and, and be like keeping to the shadows or the rocks or whatever I can find that I think is, like, cover. Cause I, I, I, I think this group is gonna get fireballed or something. I d'know, like.
Tanam: do change anything about your appearance?
Vafrus: Sure! Yeah. I'll color myself green like the landscape. I'll, I'll turn myself, I'll, I'll rock rocks and mossy colored. Yeah.
Rozafeen: does that mean that he's not following, he's just planning to hang out, or is he gonna walking pile of ross and mox? Rocks and moss.
Vafrus: I'm, keeping up with the group at like a little ways to the side or ahead or, I'm, I'm, I'm trying to stay with the group, but I, I think y'all are gonna get in trouble and I want to just have a little bit of distance between me and the epicenter of whatever happens. And I'm trying to be sneaky.
Rozafeen: Okay. Well then I think I am gonna say to the group, "Ruffort is following us, but don't talk to him right now."
Vafrus: Aw.
Harmony: Okay.
Don: I do my best to not look... at... like, around to try to find him.
Tanam: So, Calum hears a voice, "You, um, really shouldn't be abandoning your friends and hiding in the shadows. or I mean, your minions. You really shouldn't be abandoning your minions."
Vafrus: Oh, they're minions. Oh, wait, no, we already established they're future minions. Okay. once they're minions, I, I will never abandon them and hide them in the shadows. Thank you for the wise advice, My Lord.
Tanam: for the future?
Vafrus: Eventually someday.
Tanam: Do you pick up exasperation, through the mind con-
Vafrus: Absolutely not. I am fully convinced that one, I have interpreted the Lord's wishes perfectly, and two, that he is deeply pleased with me.
Tanam: Okay.
Don: I like the, "do you pick up blank", and you're like, "Oh no, I, I overtly do not pick up on any cue here."
Vafrus: It-
Tanam: from inside of his head, so it's, you know, difficult.
Vafrus: It is part of my identity that I-
Tanam: that you don't pick up on-
Vafrus: that I don't understand, yeah. If I did understand, I would have to, like, question who I am, so there's like, there's a wall in my brain,
Tanam: Okay so you pass by a pool of water. As you continue on, there's more ponds which is extremely jarring, given that several minutes ago you were in a desert. Tagak is trying to stay super close to Urekas, and is definitely not seeing this as the wonder it is.
Harmony: Okay, well, I'm making tons of comments about how beautiful everything is.
Tanam: Loudly?
Harmony: Oh yeah, to everybody.
Tanam: So just to give us an idea, is this like a normal inner room speaking voice kind of thing?
Harmony: How about just, uh, loud enough for everyone close by to hear?
Tanam: Okay. So like a stage whisper.
Harmony: Yeah, like a stage whisper.
Tanam: Okay.
Tanam: So Justice does growl a few times at some of the rocks, but she doesn't stop this time. Otherwise, there's nothing of much consequence until you come around the corner, and off to your left there is a larger lake. And about 300 feet or so out into the lake there is an island and on top of the island there is the tower. There is a land bridge on the far side of the lake, where you could walk to the base of the tower instead of swimming.
Rozafeen: All right. Well, I'm gonna keep walking for it.
Vafrus: I am gonna keep sneaking with the group.
Tanam: Tagak is suddenly a little bit reticent, "I uh, I, uh, oh man, Urekas. I, I really, I really think that, that you'll, that you'll protect me, but, that's, that's a big tower and I'm scared about, about what we're gonna find in there."
Harmony: Well, this is an opportunity for you to face your fears and overcome them.
Tanam: Okay. Can you give me a Persuasion?
Harmony: See....
Tanam: I don't think this is Deception anymore.
Harmony: I rolled a 12, uh, plus five.
Tanam: Pllbbbbbbbhhhb. Is anyone else gonna help?
Don: I'll, uh, I'll stand there all glowy and. And be like, "I think you're more safe with us than trying to go back out."
Tanam: Okay.
Rozafeen: I still don't care.
Tanam: I think your friendly, glowing, and very practical point convinces her, and she keeps following you, but still sticking very close to Urekas.
Harmony: Oh, cute. I, I put my arm around her.
Tanam: So, you come around the lake and there in front of you is a land bridge out to the land that the tower is on. From here, you can see a little bit better what that looks like. But the tower is not lit up or anything, so it's still mostly just sticking up into the darkness; a darker darkness. And so you head across the land bridge. There's no wind, but the water is not still, occurs to you that there are probably something living in there.
Vafrus: Stay out of the water.
Harmony: I have great balance. Don't worry. I can do a back flip right now and not get in the water.
Rozafeen: heh heh heh heh heh
Tanam: It's not that, that, that thin of a, of a bridge. It's-
Harmony: Okay.
Rozafeen: She's still accurate.
Don: So what you're saying is I can walk across it normally and not risk falling into the water.
Tanam: Yeah. It's like, almost a hundred feet wide. I mean, there are no handrails on the edge. But it is not a tricky path.
Harmony: Okay. Well just to show off, as I cross it, like my eyes are shut while I'm walking.
Rozafeen: We still have a set followers following us, right?
Harmony: Uh-huh! And they're really impressed, right?
Don: I'm sort of impressed.
Tanam: How many do we 'cide? 7?
Harmony: Yeah, yeah, seven, seven feet away.
Tanam: Seven, seven feet away. Okay. Are you in line with them, Ruffort?
Vafrus: I mean, across the bridge there's probably no cover. So yeah, the followers is my best hiding spot for now. The bridge seems like a real tough place to hide.
Tanam: As is probably the point.
Tanam: Near the base of the tower, there's a big double doors situation. Nothing particularly fancy about them, just big wooden arc inside of a single arch.
About ten feet in front of that door is a pile of rocks, about, I don't know, waist high, five foot wide pile. As you approach, the stone on the top, opens an eye.
Harmony: Oomph
Tanam: And this eye is probably as big as your fist.
Don: Okay. At this point I feel like I could definitely distinguish between that pile of rocks and Ruffort.
Tanam: And the eye looks at all of you individually and as a group and , "hmm. Who. Are you?"
Harmony: Oh you've probably heard of me. I'm Urekas.
Tanam: "Hmm,"
Harmony: And these are my friends.
Tanam: "Hmmm."
Don: I'm Georg. I, uh, we're, we're here from the Great Gambling Hall.
Tanam: "mmm. why?"
Don: I sort of nudge Urekas and um, try to get her to do the talking.
Harmony: oh! Well. The... We just thought this tower was so beautiful, we just had to see it in person.
Tanam: Roll a deception check against the, uh, the eye here.
Harmony: ooh, I got, uh, I rolled a 20. My deception is plus 10.
Tanam: intern's teeth!
Don: I'm about to go to correct her and then I just kinda shut up.
Tanam: The eye says, "oh, yes, it is a very good tower."
Harmony: "It sure is," I, just, I wink to everyone in the party.
Tanam: the eye winks back.
Rozafeen: Yeah, was I was gonna appeal to her pride and her magical power, and I think I'm just gonna skip all that.
Don: And I was gonna tell, I was just gonna say that we're here looking into spiders. I don't actually say. This is outta character; I wanna be clear about this. So I was just gonna say that we're here about the spiders. But ahhwha yes, whatever works. Let Urekas work her magic.
Harmony: And I tell the eye just how beautiful it looks.
Tanam: "Oh, thank you."
Harmony: Well, thank you for sharing your beauty.
Tanam: "Well, you, you know, it's, it's, it's a living as they say. So um, did you just want to see it up close or did you want like a tour or something? Or wererer..."
Harmony: would love a tour. Yes. Thank you.
Tanam: "Okay. So, so if you wanna go inside, I do have to, to ask the Mistress of the Tower, if, uh, if that would be okay."
Harmony: Oh.
Tanam: "Um, it is a little bit late, and, you know, honestly, I think that the tower looks better during the day, but, um, you know, to each their own, I guess."
Harmony: Yeah, we we can appreciate it in the dark and in the light. Yeah.
Tanam: "Well, if you're looking for accommodations for the night, that's a, a different, uh, a different request."
Harmony: Oh no, I wasn't asking for that yet. Unless you're offering.
Vafrus: Urekas is the best.
Don: Ha! Ha!
Harmony: D'ya have any chocolate fountains?
Vafrus: ooooh, yes.
Tanam: "I, I don't, I don't know. Um, I'm mostly the outside, uh... one, here."
Vafrus: Pile of rocks? There's an inside pile of rocks. He knows about the... The fountains.
Tanam: "So you, you do want to go inside though and, and see around?"
Harmony: We'd love to.
Tanam: "Give me one second." and the eye shuts.
Harmony: Uhoove.
Vafrus: I am gonna use this moment to sneak around the eye and try to hide up next to the tower.
Don: I use this moment to look over at Urekas and give her a " I thought that we were just telling 'em that we're from the Gambling Hall?"
Harmony: You told me to talk... and I think it's working.
Don: It's a good thing I'm not allowed to talk.
Harmony: I'm kinda sleepy. Can you make us some coffee?
Don: Fiiiine.
Harmony: Thank you.
Don: Can I make you some coffee? Us? Uh, I, I kind of point around and a, nod or a a a no from everybody except pile of rocks.
Rozafeen: Yeah, the pile of rocks and Justice. She's not interested.
Don: Oh, yeah. I mean, I assumed. I have cats and they love coffee, so,
Rozafeen: She doesn't wanna stay awake any later than needed.
Don: But yeah, make everybody some some coffee. This makes sense.
Tanam: can I get a stealth check from you, Ruffort?
Vafrus: mmm-hmm. Uh, 19.
Tanam: Okay.
Vafrus: Maybe more of my disguise self gives me any kind of a bonus, huh?
Tanam: I have taken that into account. So, after like, it is like a minute, the eye suddenly opens again. "Okay, I'm back."
Don: Like, right in the middle of me making coffee, then?
Harmony: Wait, have I had any of my coffee yet, or are you still making mine?
Don: I'm still making everybody's. It takes a sec. How long do you think coffee make? You're making good coffee take. I don't even know how to talk anymore; that's how much I need this coffee.
Harmony: didn't mean to imply mine would be done first. I, I assumed, but I'm sorry.
Don: I've got like five little like grinderrr slash uh piston mechanisms going at once with these like cup things that are, you know, made outta mostly scrap metal.
Harmony: Yeah. And, and, that's very impressive. And I'm sorry, I thought you were making mine first, but that's fine.
Vafrus: The venom! The passive aggressive venom.
Don: I hand everyone but Urekas a cup of coffee, I start sipping one myself, and then I finally finish the last one, and I hold it up, and I'm like, I, you know, I don't know if this one's good enough for you. Maybe I should take this.
Harmony: Ohhh I didn't mean it.
Don: Are you sure? I could remake it for you, if you like.
Harmony: Let me try it first. I'll let know if you need to remake it.
Vafrus: Those lake creatures really look like they need some coffee right now.
Don: Hand it over and kind of slosh a little bit on her.
Harmony: Wow. I look over to my followers. Do I still look beautiful? Am I okay?
Tanam: They all just look at you adoringly and nod eagerly.
Harmony: Okay! Then I'll take the coffee, thank you!
Tanam: So the rock has been watching this, and says, " I've talked to the Mistress of The Tower. She says that it is indeed rather late, but that, you're welcome for some late night refreshments with her. Although I've seen you've brought your own."
Harmony: Oh, we've brought plenty to share, haven't we, Georg?
Don: Yeah. Yeah, I, um, I, I'm sorry. Did you want one? I-
Tanam: "No, I don't drink anything, it's okay. I guess you could you could try pouring some on me.
Don: wou- would you like that? I I could, it, it's quite good coffee.
Tanam: " I've never tried it before, but, yeah. Pour a little bit, just a little bit to start."
Harmony: Heh
Don: Excellent. Actually.
Harmony: heh
Don: Yeah. Uh, also I rolled a deception of a 12 on it being good coffee. Uh, uh And I poured just a little tiny bit on, on him.
Vafrus: I like the rock pile now. I want, I wanna be friends with the rock pile. We should take this tower, but keep the rock pile. I say this to nobody.
Tanam: So the rockpile makes some unsettling slurping noises as the coffee falls onto it and seeps into the pile. "Mmm, hmm, mmm. Yeah, definitely tastes really different than water. That's, that's definitely, that's a thing. Um."
Harmony: That was my react-
Don: Bad? I mean I can still make you a cup if you like.
Tanam: "It was a very interesting experience. I know that sounds like I think it's bad and it's not. I-"
Don: It's okay, buddy. I get it.
Tanam: "no, no, I I mostly just get water from rain and I don't get flavors so often, so it was a lot. But yeah. Thank you."
Don: Yeah, absolutely. Anytime. Anytime.
Tanam: "So anyhow, yeah, just right past me, there's that door. Go in there and the Mistress of the Tower will meet you there."
Harmony: Okay, looking forward to it.
Tanam: "thanks for coming by."
Harmony: Thank you.
Tanam: "Enjoy the tower!" The eye shuts.
Don: Thanks. Uh, did, did, do you have a name?
Tanam: The Eye opens up again, "Not really. I mean, I could make one up or something if that would make you more comfortable, but no."
Don: Okay. Yeah. No, I mean, I just, uh, you know, you seemed like a nice, uh, whatever you are. Um,
Tanam: "Thank you. That's very kind of you to say."
Don: I was gonna call you Rocky, but then I thought that might be presumptuous and I, I didn't wanna, ya know.
Tanam: "okay. Yeah. No. Nope, nope. It's, it's, it's fine. I'm here."
Don: Cool. Well, good to meet you. It was really great.
Tanam: "Good to meet you, too."
Don: Hope you enjoyed the coffee.
Tanam: "Thank you."
Harmony: Thank you, Rocky.
Tanam: The eye shuts.
Harmony: We're really good at this.
Don: Maybe he didn't really like us after all.
Harmony: No, I, think he did.
Tanam: The eye opens up again. "It's fine! Just, The Mistress is waiting and you should get moving along."
Don: Yeah.
Tanam: "You are here awfully late, you know." Eye shuts again.
Don: Of course, of course. Uh, and I, I walk in.
Tanam: How are we arranged as the door opens, and who is opening the door?
Don: I'll be doing the door opening unless someone reallllllly wants to.
Harmony: Nah I'm fine staying in the back.
Tanam: And, uh, Ruffort, what are you doing?
Vafrus: I'm- I'm gonna duck in behind the followers. They're my backup hiding place.
Tanam: Are you keeping your camouflage?
Vafrus: Yeah, once I get in, if the decor is different, then I'll, I'll try to match it, but, I'm, I'm gonna keep trying to be camouflage, keep trying to be sneaky. Do my best.
Tanam: Okay. Uh, Don, can you give us a picture of what it looks like when Georg, uh, opens up? Like, how does this, how does this play out?
Don: Okay. So, uh, I opened the, the tower door, and it opens onto a rather, uh, you know, beautifully set, uh, front room with a, a spiral staircase reaching up into the distance. Uh, there's, uh, carpets, uh, that are, you know, just this lush red, uh, you know, very fuzzy.
Uh, there's mirrors on practically every wall in the, on the bottom floor at least. Um, and tapestries as it as it goes up into the distance, uh, adorning each wall. There's also, uh, statuary, you know, uh, hanging off of the wall. What are those called? I can't remember. And, uh, the staircase starts to our left. Uh, it does not have a banister.
Tanam: Okay. And- and, how does Georg open the door? Just like slowly and stick his head in, or is it like both doors at once? Throw them open!
Don: Georg's more of a both doors at once, kind of guy. I didn't realize it was double doors, but yeah, let's do this thing.
Tanam: Okay, so he grabbed the doors and fling them open.
Don: maybe, ya know, I'm not like bursting through here. I'm just, you know, opening them simultaneously, pushing them back gently, not like slamming them against the wall. This is not a, uh, an aggressive kick the door in kind of moment. It's just, I am entering.
Vafrus: So I briefly forgot that the tower was, like, period accurate, and I thought that the big reveal was gonna be that it's Georg's tower, and that's why he knows what it looks like.
Don: This would be amazing. I would love to own a tower, and to not know that I owned a tower, and I have amnesia.
Vafrus: Heh heh heh heh heh he heh.
Don: From actually having been the one to build the tower. Oh, no. I didn't build it. My parents grew up in it and like, you know this was the whole... thing. No, I don't think this is that tower.
Vafrus: Yeah, yeah. No, I figured it out, but, but yeah, just, yeah. Don, when you started describing the tower, I'm like, why, why is Don describing the tower? Oh, oh, wait. Nevermind.
Tanam: Mostly, I was going for how does uh, Georg get in, to the tower? But the other stuff is bonus.
Don: That makes way more sense than what I thought was like, "describe the inside of the tower." I mean, okay. I guess I can, uh-
Tanam: Yeah, but I, I, yeah. I was just mostly looking for the, how you were opening the door, but the other stuff is really good too.
Don: Excellent. This is what the tower looks like everybody, I'm the DM now.
Rozafeen: I have to admit, I, I was following Georg, like, I, I, it, I understood why he was saying, are you sure? Okay, here I go.
Harmony: I assumed it was a form of magic where whoever opens the door, like gets to decide what it looks like.
Don: I like it.
Tanam: Okay, in the middle of the room, probably a hundred feet from you as you come through the door, is a table that is big enough to fit everybody who has come along. Plus there is one chair on the other side of the circular table, and at it is seated a woman in a cloak. The cloak is that same color purple that Georg is glowing.
Don: We match!
Rozafeen: Cute!
Harmony: Yeah, you look so good! Both of you.
Tanam: She doesn't move to get up, but reaches out a and gestures to the open seats and, in a voice that is soft, but you can hear very well despite the, like I said, a hundred feet away. But it is as if someone is whispering right next to you. she says, "Welcome to my tower. I, understand that, you were hoping for a tour. It is a bit late, but if you'd like to all come and join me over here at the table, I'm sure we can share some refreshments and, have a bit of a chat about, anything you wanna know about it."
Harmony: Thank you so much for having us. We would love some refreshments! And w- would you like any coffee?
Tanam: So, are we gonna do the thing again where you stand awkwardly across the room, or are you guys gonna all go sit down?
Rozafeen: I'm gonna go sit down at the table.
Don: yeah, I think we'll sit down at the table. You don't piss off sorceressessess.
Harmony: Yeah, I'll sit down.
Vafrus: So, is there any chance that I haven't been spotted? If I think I can keep hiding, I want to try, but if I think it's, there's no freaking chance, then I'm just gonna sit at the table with everyone else. Like-
Tanam: okay, so, your wisdom is super low, right?
Vafrus: Yeah, but I'm also, but I'm kind of smart. Like,
Tanam: Okay, I think, give me a Perception check.
Vafrus: Ok, well, that's a nine minus two, so seven.
Tanam: it looks like there's probably shadows along the wall that you can, uh, blend into so, go ahead and give me another stealth check.
Vafrus: That's another 19. I am gonna turn into the color of the wall and just stand next to it, like an idiot.
Tanam: Okay. are you going to try to- you might be able sneak around and try to get a little bit closer to the table, but it is in the middle of the room, so-
Vafrus: I don't need to be close to the table. I just don't want to be seen. That's the only, the only thing I care about.
Tanam: Okay. You are inside the room a hundred feet away, hiding in the shadows.
Vafrus: Excellent.
Harmony: Oh and, is Tagak still with us?
Tanam: Yes. But, she is staying behind you, Urekas.
Harmony: Even as I'm sitting down, she's just behind me?
Tanam: So I guess you'll probably sit next to you. I guess it depends on where you sit.
Harmony: I wanna sit by Hellena.
Tanam: oh gosh. We're gonna get like, in a very interesting... okay. let me do another diagram here.
Harmony: On and are there chairs for my followers or are they standing?
Tanam: There, there is chairs for everybody who came.
Harmony: Awww.
Vafrus: Ohhh!
Tanam: Ha hehehe ha
Vafrus: Is there a chair for me? I'm gonna count them. if, there's a chair for me, I'm gonna come out and like sheepishly sit in my chair.
Tanam: Yeah, there is definitely one extra chair that if you don't sit in it-
Vafrus: Alright. Yep. Yep. So, like, last of all, very, very awkwardly.
Tanam: Do you try to stealthily do that?
Vafrus: Nope, as soon as I see there's chair, I'm like, Nope, the jig is up. I'll turn back into my, like, nice outfit. I'll try to pretend like nothing weird is going on, but it's, it's pretty weird.
Tanam: Okay. That's what I meant by stealthily. Are you trying to cover up the fact that you just appeared and started walking
Vafrus: yeah I won't
Tanam: away from the shadows?
Vafrus: I won't acknowledge that it's weird. Yeah. No, I'll, I'll, I'll try to be all cool and suave, but not I can do about that.
Tanam: Okay, can I have a Performance check please?
Vafrus: Yes you can. Ooh. Um. Wish I could have gotten one of these rolls earlier. 24!
Tanam: Wow. Okay. You pull it off. It looks totally like not at all suspicious that you suddenly appeared in the shadows and walked over to the table.
Harmony: Nice!
Tanam: How many are we? We are four, plus the seven followers is 11 people. Does Justice have a seat?
Rozafeen: is she gonna climb up on chair and sit at the table? Yeah, totally.
Tanam: There are 12 seats then. Annnnnd, I am going to draw this diagram for you all...
Harmony: Awww. No seat for Tagak. That's okay she can stand.
Tanam: intern's teeth, you're right. Thank you. 13.
Harmony: Okay.
Tanam: Yes. This is what got us into this whole conversation in the first place. I will draw a line here... there's the Sorceress- is on the other side of the table.
Rozafeen: You're saying there's this huge table, and that there are only chairs on the other half?
Tanam: Yes, there's only chairs on the other half and the Sorceress is by herself on the other side.
Rozafeen: I see. Well, I can understand not wanting to get too close to the likes of us.
Tanam: From the perspective of your side of table, going from left to center, is Ruffort and some followers are interspersed here, and then Georg, and then, Tagak is just past the center of the table, across from the sorceress. And then, along to her right are Urekas, Hellena and Justice, and then some more followers.
Don: I like that now we need a seating chart.
The Intern: Thank you for listening to Coffee, Cults, and Empires. This episode featured
Chelsea Burns as Harmony as Urekas.
Harmony: Climbing her hair to get the top of the tower.
The Intern: Find her on Instagram @ChelseaComedy.
Chris Grumbles as Don as Georg.
Don: I was just breaking pencils. I don't know about you guys.
The Intern: Find him on Instagram @ChrisGrumbles.
Desiree Phair as Rozafeen as Hellena and Justice.
Rozafeen: I have my legs propped up and the chair is creaky.
The Intern: Sylas Silver as Vafrus as Calumn as Ruffort.
Vafrus: That's what deserts look like, right?
The Intern: Check out readysetrole.org.
Mark E. Phair as Tanam the dm.
Tanam: I like the idea that the only foley work is Urekas beating up some poor lizard.
The Intern: Find him at markephair.com.
And me, Damian Lichtenstein, as the intern. Find me on Instagram @thatdamlich, or check out my drag king account @woody.banter.
Music by Kevin Vitz-Wong, rhymes with hit song. Hear more music at kevinvitzwong.bandcamp.com.
Character art and logo design by Carmanda. Find her at carmandaartsthings.com.
Sensitivity consulting by Dominique Dickey. Find links to more of their work, including fiction and game design, at dominiquedickey.com.
Edited by Mark and Desiree.
Support us on Patreon for access to outtakes, worldbuilding, and more!
Find all these links in the episode notes or at coffeecultsandempires.com, where you can also find transcripts, art, actor and character bios, and more.
That's coffeecultsandempires.com.
Tanam: By the Intern's shining hair!