The Intern: Hi everyone, welcome back to episode 2 of Coffee, Cults, and Empires.
This is your host, otherwise known as "that intern who can't get
my coffee right." I am reporting to you from my boss's office.
They obviously aren't here right now, so this is the perfect
opportunity to snoop around and edit my podcast on their computer.
God, can you believe this?
They've got a "world's best boss" coffee mug.
Let me fix that.
Uh, here's a marker.
Just cross that out, and Just "boss." Fixed it, buddy.
Okay, back to business.
Why do they still print everything?
Isn't this supposed to be a high tech laboratory?
Wait a minute.
What's this?
Intern performance report?
Is this about me?
Uh, oh.
Heh heh.
It says here that there's a security leak, and they've narrowed
it down to one of the interns.
Well, that's gotta be me.
I just hope they don't know.
I might have to cover my tracks.
Ah, now where did that marker go?
Better keep this podcast away from management for a while, too.
Oh, right!
The podcast!
Ahem.
If you missed our last episode, or you just need a quick
recap, here's what happened.
Our adventurers are played by professors in Experimental World 62C.
They've all decided to play an RPG set 1000 years in their past.
Isn't that interesting?
Imagine being told the world is going to end and you just decide
to play fantasy games because you don't know what to do to save it.
But I digress.
Our group of unlikely heroes met at the Great Gambling
Hall to begin their adventure.
The group consists of...
Professor Harmony is playing as Urekas, a famous bard who serves
as the namesake for towns and festivals, . But, we're not quite
sure what she's actually accomplished.
For reasons I don't fully understand, Urekas seems to be the central
figure bringing everyone together.
Professor Vafrus is playing as Ruffort, who is actually Calumn,
if that even is his real name?
A dashing, wealthy prince from a far off land.
Or at least that's what he says.
Ruffort seems to find trouble wherever he goes.
Professor Rozafeen is playing as Hellena, the no nonsense druid, and her companion,
Justice the Cheetah, who were tipped off that Urekas was sighted near the Hall,
and they traveled there for an enjoyable vacation, and definitely not because
Urekas owes her a great deal of money.
Professor Don is playing Georg, a coffee slinger turned inventor.
Georg joined up with Urekas due to some kind of vague blackmail.
He did want to see the Great Gambling Hall, but even he seems
not quite sure how he got roped into this whole adventuring business.
He has found it enjoyable to test the strength of his custom armor.
And they're all led by DM Tanam.
No sooner had our adventurers met and made their way to the Great
Gambling Hall, then it was suddenly besieged by a pack of giant spiders.
And that is where we find them now, fighting for their lives
against the "simplest, most evil kind of faceless villain."
Tanam: if you remember from last time, you were fighting some spiders.
One guard has fallen.
Justice was to the east, right?
Along with the guard...
Rozafeen: Justice was by the wall taking on a spider, and I think
a guard came and helped her out.
Tanam: Yeah.
And, okay, so there's a guard over there there's a guard to the west
where you heard a ah!" but you couldn't quite see because the door
of The Gate was, uh, turned in.
And Ruffort is by The Gate, Urekas is, there as well.
Ruffort is standing between the charging spiders and Urekas.
Hellena is heading towards Justice, and Georg is out in front of The Gate.
There are two dead spiders and one super almost dead spider.
And it's Ruffort.
Vafrus: All right.
So we, we heard commotion coming from the other side of the building, right?
Tanam: Yeah.
So you guys are on the south end of the building.
From the, kind of vaguely from the north side.
Vafrus: Does it sound like the sort of commotion that would happen if people
were getting eaten by giant spiders?
Tanam: Or at least attacked.
Yeah.
Uh, a reminder as well.
A couple of guards pushed people inside of The Hall and barred the doors.
Vafrus: we're like locked out on the outside?
That's, that's so nice of them.
All right.
am I within, uh, 60 feet of any spiders?
Tanam: You are by The Gate.
There is one spider up next to Georg, who's about 30 feet from you
and is on its one of eight legs.
Vafrus: Okay.
Oh, he's.
He's got that.
Tanam: There's one spider to the east who is getting, uh, attacked by Justice and
a guard; Hellena is running over there.
Vafrus: Okay.
So I can see two spiders.
Both of them are like, pretty well handled.
Tanam: Yeah.
And then, but you know that there's one spider to the west, but you can't
see it because The Gate's in the way.
But if you like, if you ran all the way in, you could look
around the in-turned gate door, and probably see a, another one.
It sounded like a guard maybe died over there.
Vafrus: To my best guess of where that is, would I expect to like suddenly
be next to the spider if I did that?
Tanam: No, I think you would probably expect to be, like, if you ran to the
edge of the door, you'd probably be able to like look around and depending
on what the spider has been up to.
Vafrus: Okay.
I, I can take a risk.
Sure.
I will, I will run over and see, uh, and take a look to see if I
can find the guard-eating spider.
Tanam: you run over there, peek around The and about 15 feet from you, there's
the guard, lying on the ground.
And the spider is not seeming to attack, but it's scurrying back
and forth a little bit, seemingly confused and not sure what to do next.
Vafrus: All right.
Does the guard look like he is dead-dead, or is there any hope of saving this guy?
Tanam: He's on the ground and out.
Does not look torn into pieces or anything like that.
Vafrus: Alright.
My dark lord.
Should I finish him off?
Tanam: wait, uh-
Vafrus: I think I can get him from here.
Tanam: No, no, no, no, no, no.
Um, uh, that's not within our plans at this moment.
he, he, he will play part.
He will play a part.
Vafrus: You've, you've, got your hooks in him already, huh?
He's, he's one of our allies.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
I'll, I'll, I'll give him some healing, I guess.
as a bonus action, I'll give him a die of healing light.
He gets a die six.
Five.
He gets a five.
Tanam: Oh, nice.
Vafrus: That's probably enough to fight a giant spider.
Uh,
Don: I was just gonna say, if you're being eaten by a giant
spider, all you need is one!
One hit point to fight.
Vafrus: True that, that, well, last hitpoint's the only one that matters.
All the rest are just gave him five times as many as he needs.
He should,
Don: He can fight five spiders now.
Vafrus: Yeahh!
Tanam: He shakes his head a bit is like, "ugh..." And starts to sit up and then the
spider turns around and starts to run out.
Vafrus: cool.
Yes.
All according to plan.
I'm going to, uh, cast flaming sphere.
It's a, DC 17 DEX save; ball of fire appears and boofs the
spider, it's just very gently goes "boof." And then, but it's made
out of fire, so it probably hurts.
And if he fails, he gets a, uh, 3d6 of fire damage.
Tanam: Okay.
Giant spider.
Need to look up that Dex save...
Vafrus: They're very clumsy surely, you know, many legs to keep track of.
it's very hard.
Tanam: No, plus three.
Sorry.
Vafrus: That's not bad.
Plus three.
yeah.
Tanam: 11 plus three is 14.
Vafrus: It needed a 17.
Tanam: Boof, boof the spider.
Vafrus: oh.
For sad seven damage.
Tanam: Only seven damage.
Okay.
Vafrus: Unless if he's really flammable.
These, these spiders were, were swimming in lamp oil earlier, I'm sure.
uh...
Tanam: It was about to jump back on the guard, but-
Vafrus: Now it's got, now it's got a fireball that it
can attack if it wants ,uh.
I'm whatever movement I have left, I'm gonna back off.
I'm gonna try to move away.
Tanam: Are you gonna like hide back behind the, the door?
Vafrus: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Give me his, I'm not a close range guy.
I don't, I don't want spiders in my face.
I'm gonna move as far away as I can with whatever I got left.
Tanam: are you trying to get out of the spider's line of sight?
Vafrus: Yes, both things.
Out of sight and distance.
Tanam: Out of sight and out of mind.
Vafrus: I gave that guy a hit point.
He can take another bite.
I'm sure it's probably fine.
Tanam: Did the fireball just appear there or does it come from you?
Vafrus: Yep.
It just, just appears where I want and it stays there.
It, it's now a thing I can use, I can whack things with it now.
Tanam: Okay.
So it is hanging out above the guard, burning basically where the spider was?
Vafrus: Yeah.
Tanam: Okay.
We are onto Hellena.
Rozafeen: so you said that I was running toward Justice and the spider over there?
And a guard.
I'm just gonna run over there and hit it with my thorn whip.
I run over there.
I take out my thorn whip.
I whip it right in one of its eyes for 11 points of piercing damage.
And as part of thorn whip, I'll pull it up to 10 feet closer toward me.
Tanam: Okay.
You thorn whip this thing and you were aiming for its eye or whatever.
So you grapple its head with your thorn whip and then drag it across
the ground... basically killed it.
But then the, the one hit point it had left, the dragging it across the cobble
stones or whatever scraped it up a bit and that was enough to, uh, to kill it.
And it's dead.
Rozafeen: Oh, okay.
I'll take that.
Justice has to do something too.
Can she hear spiders anywhere else?
Tanam: I think she is aware that there are other spiders.
Her options are to go around the building to the east or go towards where
Ruffort was shooting fire at somebody.
Rozafeen: I think that she will head over to help Ruffort.
Justice should be able to run over there, claw at it, rather than
biting it, cuz it should be easier to bounce back from a claw and then
be far enough away that she's not within the burning spheres range.
That's a big four points of damage that I rolled for Justice.
Vafrus: Together, Justice and I will take this thing down in like 10 rounds.
No problem.
Tanam: Okay, up next the other guard that was fighting with Justice before,
is running over but just gets past you and makes it to like the edge of The
Gate, where, Ruffort is hiding out.
The guard on the ground Is going to attack with his spear...
Vafrus: Brave guard!
Tanam: Well, he's on the ground.
oh man.
That is not going to hit.
So guard on the ground, stabs up with the spear, rolls, scrambles back.
Spider swipes at him and gets him a bit more, but he's not knocked out again.
Okay, so it is the spider by Georg's turn.
That spider is just going to, with its last leg, to attack Georg.
ooh, 22.
Does that hit your AC?
Don: Yes, yes.
I actually get hit.
Tanam: Okay.
uh, nine piercing damage.
And then you make a, constitution saving throw.
Yeah.
Don: ah, uh, 21.
Tanam: Yeah, that'll do it.
So half as much damage, so another 1d8... Oh!
8 more.
Are you immune to poison?
Don: Uh, don't believe so.
Vafrus: If you say yes, then it becomes true.
Don: Definitely immune to poison.
I drink this stuff for breakfast.
Uh, I don't, I don't believe so.
Tanam: Okay.
So that's eight damage there.
Don: Wow.
Wow
Tanam: The spider is going to try to attack the guard again.
And misses.
Vafrus: Calumn was wondering why the Spirit had him heal that guard,
but now he's like, ah, I see it.
Ah, very wise.
Tanam: From the north side where there's been sounds of scuffle, you
hear a strong voice, just like, " Take!
Dah!
Gah!
Gahh!" and some extremely loud squelching noises.
now we're on to Georg.
Don: Yes.
Well.
Pierce things can still hit me, but I can hit back so I hit him back a lot.
Maybe.
Does, uh, 14 hit?
Tanam: Just!
Don: I, ah, in that case he takes oh, ah, err... ah, he takes five.
Tanam: That'll do it.
Don: Yes.
Tanam: what was this, will you just punching with your lightning
gloves or is this the...?
Don: My thunder gauntlet.
Tanam: Thunder gauntlet.
Okay.
So you " boom!" spider just kind of falls apart.
Don: Ah!
Got 'im right in the spinnerette.
then I look around, uh, and, and see, so where, where am I in relation to?
I, I know I hear, uh, angry, uh, spider stomping and-
Tanam: um, yeah, so you are 30 feet out in front of the gate.
There aren't any spiders left alive out here.
But there is still sounds of commotion, from inside The Gate.
Don: In that case, I use bonus action to, uh, my armor sort of,
uh, folds over a, around the, the areas that I've been hit so far.
And, uh, and I, I get five temporary Then I go run, check out what the commotion is.
Tanam: So you start running.
The only person left, like directly under The Gate, is Urekas.
So you're basically running back to Urekas.
Don: Urekas, uh, I appear to be looking a bit peckish.
Uh, spider got me good.
Um...
Harmony: uh, How's that different from how you normally look?
Don: Ouch.
That was just unnecessary.
Tanam: Hurt more than the spider.
Don: Really did.
Uh, and, and then I huff and puff and, uh, end my turn.
Tanam: Okay.
Back in the order to Ruffort.
Vafrus: Oh, wow.
Another turn.
I love those.
Yeah, I'll, uh, I'll peek around and see if I can see a spider.
Tanam: There is still a spider there.
and,
Vafrus: Guard's still up even!
Tanam: Well alive, yes, but not up...
Vafrus: Good enough.
Tanam: On the ground like poking ineffectually with the spear.
Vafrus: right.
Tanam: There is also a cheetah.
Vafrus: Oh, okay.
So as a bonus action, I will, I can move the, the sphere 30 feet.
I will try to find a path that causes it to not hit any of my
allies and, you know, hit the spider in the butt, maybe from behind.
Tanam: That is doable.
Vafrus: Uh, another, uh, dex save from it needs to hit a 17.
Tanam: And we said plus 3, before... 13 will not do it.
Vafrus: Ah, and 13 damage.
Much better.
Tanam: Oh, you burn its butt off.
Vafrus: Well that-
Tanam: -but it is still alive.
Vafrus: That was just the bonus action.
So here comes the rest.
Uh, can I see any other things that I might want to fight from here?
I, I, I've got a range of, uh, 120 feet with Eldritch Blast.
Tanam: Nope.
You can't see anything from here.
Vafrus: Okay.
Two Eldritch Blasts at the butt-hurt spider.
So I will roll.
Uh, so first one I rolled an 18 plus a lot, so I probably
Tanam: that'll do it.
Vafrus: And the other one is a 19 to hit.
we'll hit it with both.
I mean, it'd be cool if I just shoot one in the air, but I'm actually very scared
of like, things that might hurt me, so I'm, I'm probably gonna focus here.
Tanam: Okay.
Vafrus: I do not like pain.
It's bad.
Oh, well, okay.
Total of 17 damage.
Tanam: So after burning the spider's butt off, you just explode it.
The Eldritch Blast hits it and it is, it
Vafrus: can I knock it into the fireball?
So it's like crispy spider legs,
Tanam: Sure.
Yeah.
Don: You trying to make a dish?
Rozafeen: I think Justice would appreciate that.
Vafrus: Yeah, I think it might be overdone a little.
Tanam: Yeah, there is, um, there is not much left for it to actually hit the
fireball, but it, does in fact hit the fire thing and burns up what's left of it.
So, sorry.
Justice.
No spider meal.
Rozafeen: I just meant she would appreciate not having
bits of spider all over her fur.
Tanam: Oh my gosh.
We skipped Urekas.
Harmony: Wow.
Tanam: you, you, you, you, talked and, and
Harmony: That was my turn.
Tanam: Was your
Harmony: My motivational speech, my insult.
Rozafeen: Yes, charismatic diss.
Work harder.
Vafrus: All right.
Don: I mean, she had six seconds to do something, talking seemed pretty natural.
Tanam: man.
Uh,
Harmony: The only person
Don: I
Harmony: hurt.
Tanam: I'm.
I'm, sorry, Harmony.
Harmony: I forgive you.
Tanam: Would you, would you like to heal anybody?
Do you have...?
Harmony: Hmmmm, let's see.
I can't heal Georg face from how it normally is.
Actually, I have an idea because, so they're the guards.
The guards at the door aren't doing anything, right?
They're just guarding the door?
Tanam: Um, so there's, so there's The Gate, and then there were some
guards that went inside The Hall and barred it from the inside.
You heard a kind of thing.
there are no additional guards outside.
Harmony: Well, okay.
I dunno if this is possible, the ones who are baring inside.
Could I do, um, silent image to make it look like, um, some of the spiders
are gambling when they shouldn't be, so the guards will attack them?
Tanam: uh, what are the requirements of silent image?
You cannot see inside of The Hall, and you have never seen inside of The Hall.
I don't think?
Harmony: Okay.
Uh, I'll just heal somebody,
Vafrus: Wait, you just said that you didn't have the spell for curing someone's
face, but that's, that's silent image.
That's
Don: That's true.
You could technically make someone's face look different despite the, uh,
lack of actually doing anything useful.
Harmony: Uh, Georg, would you like some healing?
Don: Uh, I I wouldn't say no.
If that's a thing, you could-
Harmony: Okay.
I'll heal Georg, um, by using the thing that I have that
heals, which is called a word.
Tanam: Healing word?
Harmony: Yeah, I know I have something.
Don: great.
She's going to talk to me and that's going to be thing tha she thinks will heal me.
Oh, no.
How do I take more psychic damage than she heals?
Harmony: I just, I hug Georg and I stroke his hair, and, um,
I tell him it's gonna be okay.
I,
Tanam: see any healing spells on your sheet here.
Harmony: Oh?
Tanam: Oh, song of rest.
So this is like, if they're doing a short rest anyway,
Harmony: I have wait till they're resting?
Tanam: Yeah, they get an extra 1d6 hitpoints if you do that.
Harmony: Oh, that's nice of me.
Vafrus: So you try to do healing word, but you don't have it prepared
today, so you insult him instead.
Tanam: You're, you're comforting Georg after a difficult
fight by, by insulting him.
So, um, you don't hear any more battling going on.
The one guard goes over and helps up the other guard and they go around and
attempt to, you know, secure the area...
Don: I was actually going to go around and, um, see if there was
anything I could do for the guards that were injured, but, uh, I guess
I could sit around and talk instead?
Tanam: No, that's fine.
If you'd like to, if you'd like to do that.
I get, we are out of combat now.
Rozafeen: Okay, so if we're out of turn order, I wanted to find
something to climb and see if I could get a long distance look around.
Tanam: Okay.
So the inside of the wall is lined with little shops, so you could
conceivably climb up on top of one of those... There is like a
walkway along a top of the wall.
Rozafeen: Okay.
Tanam: Do you want to do that?
Rozafeen: Yeah.
Tanam: Okay You climb up onto the thing and you can see the
dead spiders out in the road.
There's people mulling about, cautiously looking at the spiders.
There's somebody poking one with a stick.
Rozafeen: So if helps with level of detail, I rolled a Nat
20 on this roll, plus a seven.
Tanam: Uh, you know deep in your bones that there are no other spiders coming.
Rozafeen: Can I see anything even in the distance since I can see really
far away, that might indicate why the hell these spiders came, or where,
which way they came from , who might have sent them, anything like that?
Tanam: That's right, you have the eagle eye things, right?
Rozafeen: Yeah.
Tanam: As you get up onto the thing and are looking around and
scanning the horizon, you see a shadowy figure behind a building.
Rozafeen: Hmm.
Okay.
Don: I'll be tending to the guards, anyone who's injured.
Uh, uh, if there's anybody who's poisoned, I can, uh, I can cure that if necessary.
You know.
Oh also I'd like to, uh, I'd like to cast, I, uh, since no one's going to heal
me, uh, cure wounds on myself... oh.
that was nice.
Uh, I healed 12.
Tanam: Nice
Don: That was maximum.
Harmony: Congratulations.
Don: Thank you.
Tanam: Do want to wander over with the guards and go with them as they make
their rounds around the building?
Don: Yes.
I'll, I'll go and, uh, I'll talk to them as we go and ask them, uh, if this
is common and, uh, if anybody needs some, some, uh, attention, medically.
Uh, any, any of that.
Tanam: Okay.
The two guards.
There's three foot tall one.
um, she's got rough blue scales and no hair or anything.
She's very slight build, uh, she was the one who was over in the east, so
not the one who, got knocked down.
And she's got padded leather armor and has a tunic over it with
the crest of the Lonyu empire.
military bearing, very formal.
And the other guard, the one who got knocked over, pulls himself up.
And when he does, he's six feet tall, super fit, muscular,
you guess in his late teens.
He looks pretty young.
And he's got short cropped, gray fur all over his body, at least the parts that
you can see that, um, are not covered by a similar suit of, of padded leather armor.
although, you know, obviously twice as long because it's , because he's
actually twice as tall as the other guard.
Don: He did get bowled over by a spider, right?
Tanam: He, got, got bowled over by a giant spider.
You expect him to look not look great, you know, basically almost dying and
getting bowled over by a giant spider.
But, he is looking worse.
Don: All right, well, let's start out by healing him up a bit.
Tanam: Do you say anything about it or do you just do it?
Don: No, I, I say, uh, I say, uh, "Here, let me, let me, uh, see if I
can help you out a little bit." And, uh, I guess before I said "I cast"
and that, that wasn't what I meant.
Of course.
No magic with this.
Tanam: OK Don.
OK yeah.
No ma no magic Don, we believe you.
Don: No magic.
Exactly, s'all very well documented.
So I, I pull out a, uh, a potion that, it, it's very, it's it's brown
and also a bit bubbly, like fizzy.
And, uh, and that's what I had drank.
And I hand one to the guard and I say, Hey, here you are.
This tastes absolutely awful, but it heals ya right up.
" Tanam: Oh.
Um, oh, okay.
Uh, thank you.
Thank you, sir. Thank you." Takes it and drinks it.
Don: And he gets back eight hitpoints.
Dice have been kind tonight.
Tanam: He's looks visibly surprised, that.
that.
was Oh, wow.
That, that's amazing.
Thank you."
Don: Yeah, my own intervention.
Ah, there they're quite, well, they taste like absolute garbage, but, uh
Tanam: "Well, that's the best garbage I've ever had. Thank you."
Don: Yes, I imagine.
So is this, your first time getting, uh, attacked by oversized arachnids
or, uh, is it a common thing?
" Tanam: Ta be fair.
Uh, yes, first time with arachnids, uh, but also, um, oh man, the first
time I've, actually been in a fight."
The other guard was standing by and looking on and, in, in a, stiff military
stance and, "Good to see that you're okay, Da. Get up, and let's secure the area."
Don: Mind if I tag along and, uh, talk a bit?
Tanam: "We need to make sure that everything is fine within the wall here.
You can come along. We do need to pay attention to what's going on, but we
can probably answer some questions."
Don: Yes, I can help if anything comes up.
Ah, so you said "first spider attack," this isn't a common occurrence.
Any other attacks, uh, things coming over the walls or, or things like
that, or is just truly the first?
Tanam: So as you are asking, the shorter guard just walking.
Don: I'll walk along.
Tanam: Yeah, Da, who is the guy on the ground gets up and, does his best to
assume a, you know, "I'm an official guard" thing, and Da is walking behind
her next to you, and she doesn't acknowledge that you said anything.
But Da is whispering to you, not super secretive, but trying
not to be super loud about it.
And he's like,
"No, this is this.
everybody back home said that I should leave the farm and go into the, join the
military and cuz I'm, you know, account of me being so big and, uh, you know,
training was fine and everything, but I, I kind of wanted this post cuz it was quiet?
Yeah, I'd never heard of, of anything in the time that this has been here
of, of something like this happening."
up from up in front of you, the shorter guard says, "That's
confirmed. This is highly irregular."
Don: Interesting.
I suppose if there's nothing standard about it, uh, perhaps we
maybe need to look more into it.
Da, I just.
You, you're a good guardsman.
I, I feel like you, you've got some potential, but maybe
this isn't the life for you.
Tanam: He seems to be thinking the same thing.
You come around the corner and there's another dead spider and standing
next to it, is, a about, four and a half foot tall woman with short
cropped red fur and fox-like ears.
Her upper body is super strong and muscular, and she looks to
be in about maybe her thirties.
And she's got an artisan's apron over a well-fit long-sleeved shirt and trousers.
She is standing over the spider, breathing heavy, holding fire tongs like
you would use to move fire logs around.
And the spider is just like- it is definitely dead and it has definitely been
beaten to death with a pair of fire tongs.
Don: Huh.
Very impressive!
Tanam: And she's kinda like, coming down from, from a obvious, uh, adrenaline rush.
Don: Well, I, I'd love to continue, but I don't want to take up all the time here.
So, um, feel, feel free to, to, to move around between us a bit.
Tanam: Okay.
Yep.
does anybody else, to, start doing anything?
Rozafeen: So a lot of these spiders were destroyed.
I'd like to find a spider that wasn't exploded or burned to a crisp and see if
there is anything special that I can glean from its corpse, remnants of spells or
mutant green eyes or whatever the hell.
Tanam: I think y'all pretty much incinerated most of the ones on the south
side, but if you want to go over and, look at the one on the north side you
can head over there and look at that.
Rozafeen: Sure!
And that gets the group together.
Tanam: You and justice were kind of going about to the different spiders
and came around the, opposite direction.
They're just heading up to the woman with tongs.
And you go directly to the spider, kind of ignoring everybody else.
Give me a investigation check.
you were also looking for spells, so let's say an investigation
check and an arcana check.
Rozafeen: So those really aren't where I shine.
I don't suppose, since we're talking about dead spiders, that
could be any nature involved?
Tanam: Yeah, if you are just trying to yeah, think about the spider
in general, then yes, definitely a nature check would be good.
Rozafeen: was a big 12 on Nature.
Tanam: Even with your bonuses?
Rozafeen: Yeah, 12 was with the bonuses on Nature.
Arcana.
Ooh, that was an 18 plus one.
Don: Can I help on this?
I see what she's doing with the spider uh, and go over there and, and just
kind of point at different parts and make stupid explanations, perhaps?
I'm very proficient in investigation.
Tanam: Okay.
Yeah.
Don: Okay.
21 on the investigation...
Tanam: Between the two of you, you know that nothing like this lives in this area.
This is not a local creature.
On the large continent somewhere.
You know that they're pretty aggressive, but they tend to stay away from
settlements, especially large settlements.
Running through towns attacking, walled buildings is not like
super high on their list normally.
So this is weird behavior.
That's what you've got
Don: Just, uh, they're not prone to, uh, building climbing.
That's it.
Rozafeen: Did the description encompass any archana explanations?
You had us roll arcana and the description seemed a lot more nature
and investigation based, so I just wanted to make sure that I didn't miss
hearing some sort of arcana answer.
Tanam: Yeah.
No, I, I didn't, I didn't say any, any, anything about arcana explicitly.
Yeah.
Rozafeen: Do, do you plan to?
Vafrus: That was, that was the best arcana check she's gonna make the whole game.
She really wants it to matter.
Tanam: And it was a 19 you said?
Vafrus: You, discover they're not magical.
Rozafeen: It was a 19.
Tanam: Okay.
The idea of enchanting beasts as a way to get them to act
funny definitely occurs to you.
It does seem like that could be an explanation for why these things that,
don't normally get so close to settlements would have been doing this weird death
charge towards the, towards the hall.
Rozafeen: Okay.
Tanam: Some other guards finally show up.
After they've confirmed the area being secure, they open up the Hall again.
Some people are just kind of "whatever!" and go back to gambling and some people
are like, " I'm outta here!" But the people who are inside didn't see
anything, and it just probably seems not that big of a deal, especially since
there aren't much left of the spiders.
So it doesn't seem, like, particularly threatening.
A man comes out of the Hall.
He's about five and a half feet tall, in his forties.
And he's got shortcut brown fur and then two tusks down to his chin.
And he's got a big bristly beard.
And the beard is kind of unkempt.
He has a shiny breastplate with the Ovadan family Crest.
It's shiny and not, doesn't look like it has had any actual use.
It looks like it has been worn for the purposes of being shiny.
Underneath it, he has knee length noble trading robes, which is
weird for military purposes.
You think you maybe saw apprehension on him when they were first opening
the door and he was out and making sure that everything is okay.
But that disappears in a moment, and he's out there super brusque
moving towards you aggressively.
And it turns out he's moving towards the guards.
And he says, "What's the, what's the meaning of this, this nonsense?"
Vafrus: Oh, I'm so tempted to a giant spider right above his head.
Tanam: The short guard comes to attention and says, "Situation
is under control, Ovadan.
We are, ready to debrief... in private?" And he drops his aggressiveness
a little bit and he picks up her significant look around a bit of
like, "Hey, maybe we don't want to talk about this giant spider attack,
in front of all the guests!" "Yeah.
Uh, yes.
Excellent work.
Uh, will you please all follow me?"
The short guard, says, "shall I fetch The Captain? Sir?" just ever
so briefly, the breastplate guy, you can see a flash of like, " Bmweh.
I don't like that guy." sort of look.
But that disappears again quickly and is like, " Yes.
Uh, I believe The Captain should be, uh, fetched as well.
Thank you, guard." And she salutes and runs off.
He leads you all
Vafrus: We get to come too!
Excellent!
I was... I was gettin' ready to be all secret.
To be like, "Oh, we need to be in that room. Whatever's going on in
that room. That's the good room!"
Tanam: He gathers you all up, basically all of the people who were standing
with the guards near the dead spider corpse, and takes you all into the Hall.
So this is the first time you've stepped inside the Hall.
From the outside it looked like a standard, large wide tower situation,
but when you get inside, it turns out that it is one giant room.
It is a space that is designed to impress, and it does.
In the center is the centerpiece of this, of this building, which is The Mirrors.
It's this big contraption with all these mirrors where presumably the item
sacrifice and retrieval takes place.
All around, down on the floor, there are sitting areas and everything is designed
to look towards that center mirror.
Up along the walls, there are offices and balconies.
You can see staircases that can get you all the way up to
these various offices and such.
And so the breastplate guy leads you up a couple of levels, and
you come to a large office.
He, knocks but doesn't wait for any response and just opens the door,
half shoves Da, the tall guard, in front of him, and, turns around to
everybody else and says, "Wait here please for a moment." goes inside
and closes the door behind him.
A couple minutes later, he comes back out, opens the door and gestures you all in.
At this moment, the short guard comes back at a jog, with, a person with
dark skin, no fur or scale, medium pointy ears, and is shaved bald as
far as you can tell as their skull cap helmet kind of bounces around.
They have a chain mail suit with a tunic over it, with a crest of Lonyu Empire.
About six feet tall and muscular and fit.
And they appear to be in their, maybe in their late twenties.
The two of them run up the stairs and are a little bit winded.
The breastplate guy gives a, a bit of a shitty look to the person
running up, and they head in.
Harmony: Uh, can I go up to the breast plate guy and just say, "oh, that
was really scary. Can you hold me?"
Tanam: He- "Well, um, perhaps later, ma'am, can we, uh, uh,
discharge the business first?"
Harmony: Okay.
I can wait.
Vafrus: Oh, I'm mad at this guy for two reasons.
First, that she picked him instead of me.
Second, that he said, "no." Unacceptable!
Harmony: Are you saying this out loud?
Vafrus: No just like seething inside.
I go.
" I have found my nemesis.
No matter what it takes, no matter how long I have to fight..." It's a
very interesting time inside my brain.
Tanam: But of course your, face is a, a mask of serenity.
Vafrus: Yeah, yeah, perfectly serene.
Tanam: Yeah.
Rozafeen: The fox person is with us, right?
Tanam: Uh, the people who are here, to answer your question, Rozafeen, is,
y'all, the two guards now, the artisan with the tongs, the person who ran up in
the chain mail, And the breastplate guy.
There are two guests, as well.
as you come into the office there, sitting behind a desk is another person,
who stands up gracefully when you enter.
She's about five and a half feet tall.
Looks to be in her thirties.
She's covered in short cropped brown fur and has a bristly beard,
but it's also short cropped.
Large, solid bright yellow eyes with vertical slit pupils and a
single tusk on the right side of her mouth, which comes down to her chin.
And it looks like there was another one on the other side,
before, but it is not there now.
she is dressed in the traditional Lonyu noble long trading robes.
They are quite well made but not super flashy, she seems
just very comfortable in them.
She gestures everybody in and nods to the short guard who
closes the door behind her.
She looks at everyone says, "Well, uh, this has been,
apparently, quite the excitement.
The Second here has informed me of what transpired.
I'd like to, of course, thank those of you that took out the attackers.
so you group of travelers and of course, everyone's favorite
trinket maker, Dovadavika-"
"Please, Tenovinon, call me Tagak." "Sure, Tagak.
I did not expect that you had quite the skill with the tongs." the artisan
with the fox-like ears laughs a bit.
"Yeah, I, I didn't think that I'd, uh, that I had that in me either,
but the spider was there and I had my tongs and so the spider got the tongs!"
And everybody kind of laughs a little bit, but not much, some of
the tension goes out of the room.
The uh, woman behind the desk says "So for those of you that don't know
me, I'm Tanovadan I am, you could say, in charge of Hospitality here."
Uh, "Tanovadan," did you guys like...
Vafrus: I can tell by your face that you really want us to do something,
but I don't know who that is.
Don: Isn't like pretty much everybody and their cousin an Ovadan?
Like...
Tanam: Yeah, I mean like this is Tanovadan though.
Like, how do you not know Tanov...
Rozafeen: Who the hell is Tanovadan?
Tanam: intern's teeth...
Rozafeen: Was she hot?
Tanam: it's a thousand years ago.
I have no idea... so So
Rozafeen: So probably not.
Don: Probably not now anyway, huh?
Harmony: Yeah if she was hot, we woulda known about 'er.
Tanam: Uhhghh, okay.
So, Tanovadan eventually became an emperor.
Like...
Rozafeen: No way.
Tanam: Yeah!
Harmony: A not hot emperor.
Tanam: I don't think we've established that she's not hot.
Don: An emperor no one cares about or likes...
Tanam: No, that's not.
Oh.
No.
She she was in charge of the Great Hall of Mirrors and did, you
know, a generally great job there and eventually became emperor.
Don: You're not talking about Rinovadan and you're not talking about Soonovadan.
You're talking about Random lady Ovadan.
Vafrus: Wasn't she the one that like built that ship out of snow
sculpt and then like it sank?
That was her, right?
Don: No, I think that was Panovadan.
Vafrus: Oh, no, no, you're right.
Yeah, no, sorry.
Never heard of it Tanam.
Don: It's close.
It's really close.
Harmony: Is your memory that good?
I don't remember Panovadan.
Don: Look, uh, mean, I, I remember Panovadan because she built an entire
ship of snow sculpt and it worked.
It was a feat of mechanical engineering.
It was impressive as hell, Okay.
Okay.
Imagine like snow sculpt doesn't work well on water, right?
it tends to dissipate...
Harmony: Yeah, it melts and it kills everybody on it.
Don: Generally.
Sure, sure.
Yeah.
I mean, most of the time, but Panovadan, she built this entire ship and, and
used like minimal framework, minimal non-snow sculpt pieces, just enough,
and, and it fooled absolutely everyone.
Vafrus: That's what you gotta do if you wanna make it into like the
proper history books, you know,
Don: Yeah I mean, at least the history books I'mana bother to read.
Vafrus: Being just the emperor of somewhere, like.
There's so many emperors.
Tanam: Okay, fine.
Can you just like, uh, at least pretend to be impressed and that you recognize her?
Don: Oh yeah, definitely.
You, you just want like a reaction from us?
Tanam: Okay.
Ready?
Here we go.
Harmony: Wait, sorry.
hold up.
Wait, what?
What reaction do you want?
Don: Something impressed sounding.
Tanam: Pretend.
Pretend that, yeah.
Don: Come on Harmony.
We got this.
Give us a 3, 1, please.
Tanam: Tanovadan!
Vafrus: Soooo impressed am I.
Don: Wow.
Vafrus: fully impressed.
Don: Tanovadan!
One of the most impressive Ovadans.
Was that good?
did we appease you?
Tanam: Okay, thank you.
Uh, okay.
It's Tanovadan, and she's talking.
"Thank you so much for helping us with this issue.
I'd like to assure you all that this is not a normal occurrence.
we're really sure what's going on quite yet, but we're going to
investigate it and if you like, we can you on, what happened.
And of course we will certainly comp your stay here in fact,
from now on, when you would like to place an item among The Mirrors...
We normally charge a fee for that.
And in this in this case from now on, you will not need to pay that fee
for putting an item into The Mirrors.
I know that this doesn't quite make up for this, bizarre occurrence, but we
do hope that you'll consider staying with us and be assured that this is not
how things normally go around here."
one of the guests is six five very big and very heavy and has
long fine black hair down to his mid-back and dark purple scales.
And he has these very thin pointy ears that stick up past the top
of his head, looks about in his forties, look of boredom on his face.
And he says, "I do expect that when I am visiting a food stall at a resort that I
will not be attacked by giant creatures. This is highly irregular when I get
back to Virindale, I am not sure how I'm going to avoid talking about this."
the head of Hospitality smiles to him and says "I would understand that this
is something that happened to you on your journey and certainly you'll want
to talk about that. perhaps if you'll be willing to stay with us long enough
we can resolve this and you can add that resolution to your story, Mindlord,"
Vafrus: So yeah, when, when he mentioned Virindale before Mindlord even comes up,
I'm like clutching my little bag of rocks.
Tanam: "Yeah. Well, I was going to be staying for another couple weeks and I
can, uh, probably arrange to do that same thing, but do see that you look into it."
And he turns around and lets himself out.
Next to him was a person who's about five feet tall, a little
bit rotund, has a long gray, bushy beard and lots of big gray arm hair.
Tanned rough skin.
Looks to be in about their sixties wearing a short sleeved traveling tunic
and some airy pants that are cinched at the ankles with some traveling boots.
From their clothes, they look like they might be from Klaoil.
Harmony: Yeah, the College of the Bird that Caught on Fire Rose
Again from the Ashes, represent!
Don: You know, just because we went there doesn't mean we have
to be super excited about it.
Harmony: I'm sorry for having fun in life.
Tanam: I mean, went there and are currently employed...
Harmony: yeah,
Don: Yeah.
Harmony: You should be grateful.
Don: Doesn't mean I have to be super excited about it.
Okay?
Harmony: Have you ever been super excited, ever?
Don: One times I think you left me alone for like a day.
That was pretty exciting.
Harmony: This is why you make coffee.
You're trying to give yourself that excitement that I naturally have.
Don: Uh,
Vafrus: Wait, are you two the same as your characters?
Did you just make your characters yourselves?
Don: you know, I could have had a little more creativity
when I created my character.
A lot of me came through.
Okay.
Harmony: Yeah.
You know, if you had more creativity, you would've passed your acting class.
Tanam: Oh,
Don: Uhuugh.
Why do have to bring that up?
Tanam: That's, that's a little harsh.
Harmony: Okay.
That was low.
Sorry.
Tanam: Low... like Don's grade in that acting class.
Don: yeah.
No.
Laugh it up.
it up.
Harmony: We are.
Tanam: Observably.
Harmony: Yeah.
Can you tell Mr. Scientist?
Don: Hardy, har
You know what?
I'm gonna make myself a cup of coffee.
Harmony: Oh, make me one too, will you?
Don: No.
Seems like for somebody really did well in their acting class,
you don't know how to act.
Harmony: I, I think I, I'm acting, um, truthfully and authentically.
Don: So that's just your natural personality of mean coming through that.
Harmony: Mean?
Wait, are, are you feeling an emotion?
Is that what I'm hearing?
Tanam: I'm sorry, Don.
We were, I know, it's, it's, I know it's a bit of a, a, a sore spot.
Harmony: A sore subject?
Don: Uh, Alright.
That was really bad.
Tanam: Look, you were the one who chose to make up for the
failure with that pushups class.
Don: Oh, don't remind me.
Vafrus: Oh, is
Don: did pass
Vafrus: is that why you guys are always talking about remedial pushups?
Connecting here
Don: anyway, so you know the school,
Harmony: College of the Bird that Caught on Fire Rose Again from the Ashes.
Don: should really shorten that name.
Harmony: Wow.
How rude.
Vafrus: I thought, the long name was like really important or something.
Everyone, everyone like gets after me if I try to shorten it.
Don: Uh, you and I can be together.
We are, we're all short name.
I think that they really need to just choose a length of name that
people can say without having to take a breath in between.
Vafrus: It's like the biggest college in Klaoil right?
It could just be called the collage of Klaoil.
Harmony: Klah-oil.
Vafrus: Yeah, that's what I said.
"Kloyal."
Harmony: No, no.
no.
You said "Kloyal" I'm saying "Klah-oil." Klaoil.
Don: Klah.
Oil.
Vafrus: Kla OiI Klaoil
Don: you said two different things just there.
Tanam: Yeah, um, took me a while, Vafrus.
It's a, it's a local thing.
I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to get it.
Vafrus: I'm pretty, I'm pretty sure you, well, luckily I'm not trying to get into
the College of the Bird that Died, but
Harmony: That Caught on Fire Rose Again from the Ashes.
Vafrus: I, yeah.
Yeah, I think, I think the College of the Dead Bird is gonna
really reject my application.
Harmony: How dare you.
Don: They really are.
They get real offended when you call it the College of the Dead Bird.
Tanam: Are you still on the Admissions Committee?
Don: Don't worry.
I'll put in a good word for
I, for one, think it shouldn't be quite that long.
Harmony: But it's good that it breath because the school is full of life
and so should you when you say it.
That's why it's that long.
Don: Yeah.
The people in the school are fulla hot air is what it is.
Harmony: You're in the school!
Don: Hey, I know.
That's how I know.
They let me teach here!
Harmony: You, you should be honored.
Don: They should be honored to have me.
Tanam: Weren't you gonna make some coffee?
Don: Oh yeah.
Yeah.
I'll be back.
Harmony: Make that two.
Tanam: I haven't been to visit for a while.
How complicated is Don's coffee machine these days?
Harmony: It's, it's pretty complicated.
Lots of contraptions, lots of things that don't really make sense, but they
have fancy sounding words on them.
Um, lots of char marks everywhere from him, like over magic-ing the coffee.
Tanam: Oooo don't say "magicing" in front of him.
Don: Okay, I'm back with a coffee.
Tanam: Hi,
Don: sorry.
"Magicing the coffee?"
Tanam: No.
Nope, nope.
Nothing about magicing.
We did not say anything about magic and coffee.
Don: is Urekas trying to explain my coffee machine setup again?
Harmony: Arg trying?
I'm sorry, can you do a better job?
Don: Why?
Yes, I can do a better job explaining the coffee machine setup
that I built and designed myself.
Harmony: please?
Don: I believe you're probably referring to is a combustion chamber,
which flash roasts the beans, which I am very proud of coming up with.
Vafrus: I'm just, I'm just impressed that you keep on coming up with words like
it's, it's really impressive to be honest.
[ Don: I mean, you have to come up with what, no one wants to come up with
things to explain what we see every day.
They just go, "oh, it's magic."
Vafrus: That's cuz it is magic!
It is literally magic!
Don: I mean, you know, it's, it's magic, but like that's so uncreative.
Harmony: Magic is literally,
Don: at it.
Go on.
Harmony: magic is creation.
What do you mean it's uncreative?
Don: What I'm saying is like you could try to understand creation or you could
be just like, oh, this is just magic.
Vafrus: Because it's magic
Harmony: Yeah, sometimes the simple solution is...
Vafrus: Look, here I can- if if you were here I'd show you a little bit of magic!
It's magic!
Don: That's the thing.
Nobody goes further than, oh, it's magic and oh, it's one of these types of magic.
And then you go, okay, well how do you reproduce it with,
you know, these materials?
How do you, how do you create something with only the, uh, you know, from a
non-magical per, because not everybody has magic, but everybody could
create these magical, uh, phenomenon without magic if you really tried.
Look, I don't wanna ruin the game.
I'll use my spell slots.
Tanam: Thank you, Don.
Thank you.
Don: No problem.
Tanam: Okay.
let's get back to this.
merchant from Klaoil was about to talk.
That's right.
And they say
"I'm also quite upset. Tanovadon, is this how you plan to run this resort?"
" Achhiut J’hakiatam.
First, please let me say that it's a pleasure to have you staying here with us.
And, of course, uh, we'll offer, as we hope, adequate
compensation, you understand how these sorts of things can happen."
"Hmm, we'll see. Also, does this cheetah belong to anyone?" uh, Justice is kind
of standing there, lookin' around.
Rozafeen: It is very difficult not to give a sarcastic response, no,
this cheetah just wandered in.
What's this cheetah?
Maybe we're gonna get eaten.
I don't know."
Don: Pretty sure the cheetah belongs to itself.
Vafrus: like,
Tanam: Um, does anyone say any of these things?
Vafrus: Oh.
Yeah, I'm gonna go for it.
I can't, I can't help it.
What do I think my odds are of being able to cast a spell with nobody noticing?
Tanam: Everyone is kind of looking at the person with the gray hair and,
Vafrus: I'm willing to roll a sleight of hand check for it if I need to.
Tanam: Okay.
Vafrus: I'm gonna cast major image and I'm gonna make the cheetah talk
Tanam: Okay.
Vafrus: For no reason than because I just am a compulsive
liar and I saw an opportunity.
Oh, so good.
24.
Tanam: sure.
Vafrus: So the cheetah turns, looks them in the eye and,
uh, says, uh, " I don't know.
Do you belong to anyone?"
Tanam: Okay.
How is Helena doing with this?
You don't
know that someone cast an illusion...
Rozafeen: I mean, I absolutely know my cheetah doesn't talk.
Tanam: Exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
Don: Be an odd thing to find out at this point.
Rozafeen: I am going to keep a straight face, because so far what
the cheetah has said is badass.
But if he makes my cheetah say anything stupid, he's getting a boot the butt.
Harmony: While this is happening, uh, can I do detect thoughts on them?
Tanam: The head of Hospitality?
Harmony: Yes.
Tanam: okay.
Um, how does that work?
Harmony: So I can learn what's most on their minds at that moment.
Then I can shift my attention to another creature's thoughts or probe even deeper.
Tanam: Okay.
So like at this moment while the cheetah is talking.
Is that when you're doing it?
Harmony: Uh-huh.
Tanam: Uh, her thoughts at the moment are, "Cheetahs don't talk. What's what, what?"
Harmony: Checks out.
Tanam: "And it's badass. What's going on?"
Vafrus: You you can point it at someone else, get, get some more surface thoughts.
Harmony: Ooh.
Yeah.
Um, okay.
I'm going to, I'll go to you.
You, yeah, to uh, Calumn.
Tanam: Ha ha ha ha.
Vafrus: There's two different beings.
Tanam: Normally when you do it, you are skimming along people's minds
and seeing what's going on in there.
you try to do this to Ruffort...
Vafrus: Well done.
I'm impressed every you get my name right.
... Tanam: it is weirdly disorienting.
first off there's more than one mind there and they're kind of layered on top
of each other and kind of mixed together, and that is super weird and upsetting.
And the other one is hard to, to quite explain, but it feels backwards
and you don't know that you could even explain this to anyone, but
the thoughts that you hear from the other mind that's hanging out there
are wrong and the wrong way around.
this is like super upsetting.
But, because it's the helm, it doesn't ruin you like,
uh, it might have otherwise.
Harmony: OK, good.
Oh, I, I just kind of like touch my hand to my chest then and give him a look.
Tanam: He is not looking at you.
He is, very pointedly, not looking at the cheetah.
So the cheetah has just talked.
and The merchant Achhiut J’hakitam, they're the one who just asked
about the cheetah, says, " Well, I suppose, thank you, cheetah."
Vafrus: I will have the cheetah introduce itself as Justice and say, uh, graciously,
you know, "'Twas the right thing to do."
Tanam: "Very well. Thank you, Justice. If you'll excuse me, I'm
going to go have a drink." And bows a bit and goes out the door.
Rozafeen: So I've been looking around to do a sight-based
perception on who is doing this.
Vafrus: Can you beat my 24?
Tanam: Yeah, I guess it's, it's just a direct contest.
So,
Rozafeen: Yes bitch!
27! I totally see you!
ha
Tanam: You you said twe- Wow.
Rozafeen: I get advantage if it's sight based.
And the second one was a Nat 20.
Vafrus: I will, I will concede to the Nat 20.
Rozafeen: I'm not gonna say anything here, but we're gonna have a talk later.
Vafrus: You probably figured out by my face more than anything else.
I'm probably just like...
Tanam: Yeah.
You can see the lines of concentration and the, trying to keep a straight face,
and a a look of, like a very subtle, no one else probably noticed this, but
a very subtle look of self satisfaction.
Vafrus: Heh.
Tanam: and, uh, that's, that's all you need to be pretty sure
about what's going on here.
Okay.
So that merchant is gone.
The short guard closes the door at a nod from the Head of Hospitality.
"So yes, I understand that the remainder of you were quite instrumental in the
defense. You're certainly welcome to stay here in perpetuity as well."
"I was wondering if anyone has any insights that might get us started in
our investigation. anyone know what these are and where they came from?"
Rozafeen: You mean the giant spiders?
Tanam: "Yes. the giant spiders."
Don: When I did my investigation earlier, did I um, notice any uh,
know the species of the spider?
I know I knew it's, it's habitat to some extent.
Tanam: It's, yeah, just giant spiders.
Don: Is uh, not generally predicated towards, um, climbing
over walls and eating people.
They're more ambush, but yes, ambush, yes?
Right.
Tanam: "Yeah, Well, Captain?".
And the person in the chain mail steps forward.
yes, ma'am."
"As head of security here, do you have any thoughts about what might have happened?"
The Captain shakes their head and, no, ma'am.
Just learning of it now as are you and, and I need to do further investigation.
I'm sorry for this happening.
This is my responsibility.
Thank you for your quick action and, again, I'm sorry this is...
This is my fault and I'm going to see what I can do to fix it."
The fox-eared artisan raises her hand a bit and, "Well
I can tell you what it is.
So, it's a little bit embarrassing for me, but my lover's birth
mother, uh, really doesn't want her daughter to be with an artisan.
And I'm, I am, I am almost certain that she's secretly a sorcerer from the Tower
Empire and, um, I, I'm pretty sure that she sent these spiders here to, to take
me out, um, because, uh, cuz she doesn't want her daughter, you know, seeing
me anymore and she's not super subtle.
Um, and, uh, this, this, this smells like her, her handy work."
And there is just silence as everyone tries to digest that.
Rozafeen: Hey Tanam, speaking of digestion... I am starving.
Tanam: Yeah, it is, uh, it is past time.
So, we'll leave it there on this, uh, striking revelation.
And we can pick it up next time.
The Intern: This episode featured
Chelsea Burns as Harmony as Urekas.
Harmony: Oh, that's nice of me
The Intern: Find her on Instagram @ChelseaComedy.
Chris Grumbles as Don as Georg.
Don: well, that, that must be the longest that, uh, Harmony's ever been quiet for.
The Intern: Find him on Instagram @ChrisGrumbles,
Desiree Phair as Rozafeen as Hellena and Justice.
Rozafeen: Yes bitch!
27! I totally see you!
The Intern: Sylas Silver as Vafrus as Calumn as Ruffort.
Vafrus: Together, Justice and I will take this thing down in like 10 rounds.
The Intern: Check out his RPG where you get the good parts of
roleplay faster at readysetrole.org.
Mark E. Phair as Tanam the dm.
Tanam: Oooo don't say "magicing" in front of him.
The Intern: Find him at markephair.com.
And me, Damian Lichtenstein, as the Intern.
Check out my drag king account @woody.banter.
Thank you for listening to Coffee, Cults, and Empires.
Edited by Mark and Desiree.
Music by Kevin Vitz-Wong, rhymes with hit song.
Hear more music at kevinvitzwong.bandcamp.com.
Character art and logo design by Carmanda.
Find her at carmandaartsthings.com.
Sensitivity consulting by Dominique Dickey.
Find more of their work at dominiquedickey.com.
Support us on Patreon for access to outtakes, worldbuilding, and more!
Find all these links in the episode notes or at coffeecultsandempires.com,
where you can also find transcripts, art, and character bios.
That's coffeecultsandempires.com.
Tanam: Tanovadan eventually became an emperor.
Like...
Rozafeen: No way.
Tanam: Yeah!
Harmony: A not hot emperor.