The Intern: Welcome to Coffee, Cults, and Empires.. This is your host, otherwise known as "that intern who can't get my coffee right."

Boss: Where's the caramel macchiato I actually asked for?

The Intern: Our adventurers are played by professors in Experimental World 62C.

Don: Charisma is apparently my dump stat.

The Intern: They've decided to play an RPG set in their own past.

Tanam: We find you all nearly a thousand years ago, in the southeast corner of the Lonyu Empire.

Don: Harmony. What do you have thousand years old?

Harmony: I have my dignity.

The Intern: Imagine being told the world is going to end and you just decide to play fantasy games because you don't know what to do to save it.

Vafrus: Can you beat my 24?

Rozafeen: Yes bitch! 27! I totally see you! ha!

Tanam: She sent these spiders to take me out.

Vafrus: actually very scared of things that might hurt me.

Harmony: he wants to hurt you.

Don: I know that! Obviously it wants to hurt me.

Harmony: Can I also use Suggestion to tell this spider to go to therapy?

Rozafeen: Is it dead yet?

Harmony: Yes.

Vafrus: I'm Ruffort, beautiful prince from somewhere. I haven't really decided.

What happens when people approach you?

Harmony: They are just filled with ecstasy.

Vafrus: I am as handsome as someone can be.

Harmony: Is this what you're saying to me?

Vafrus: No, no, no. is, is what you see.

Don: I like my personality like I like my coffee.

Harmony: Bitter and jealous?

Don: Got it in one.

Rozafeen: Everyone, this is Justice. Justice, this is everyone; they're not dinner.

Don: Well, thank you for clarifying.

Rozafeen: it's important to make boundaries straightforward.

Don: Someone who wants to know about the buttons! Don't touch that one.

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The Intern: That's coffeecultsandempires.com

Tanam: Is the start of a very troubling friendship.